Wednesday, June 03, 2009

"Who are you?" ... He Asked

It has been a year, and a quarter, since I last offered this story, here. Because it was a defining moment (in many ways) in my life-walk, and many new Folks are now visiting here, I will, probably, resurrect it once, each year. With the spirit of this Happening encouraging me, I am planning to offer myself, as a Reader, to the Principal of an Elementary School just down the road from my home. It is, what is referred to as, an "At Risk School." This means that the populace of the school is made up of many who would be of the same ilk, as the young Lad, of this Story. I present the experience with a prayer that You, My Dear Reader, will find some encouragement, insight, or merit, of value to you, in it. That said ... here 'tis ...

“Who are you?” was the question thrust upon me by the challenging five year old kindergarten student as he set his back stiffly in its most erect pose. Pretty impressive stuff from a child toward a physically imposing adult male who was a total unknown to the child. Not to be channeled into his obviously well-rehearsed performance, I countered with “More to the point, (pretty cool, eh… using phraseology that was alien to the lad) … just who are you?!” Now we were engaged in the stand-off. Two duelers faced with the unspoken, but clearly understood standard that 'he who gives the answer first is the loser.’ But, here I genuinely wanted to know just who this fellow was. Not just his label … his name, but who he wanted me to know him to be.

We waited. Others at the service desk of the elementary school library ... waited. All eyes were now fixed on the young lad. He was, quite obviously, uneasy with this turn in a game that had historically garnered for him control of those upon whom he leveled his attack. Then, into the breach came a young man (an 'advanced’ age of eight years… but clearly an 'upper-classman’ in this arena) who turned to the boy (who for convenience, I will call Robert) and said “Hey man, the guy really wants to know who you are … you know … like what kind of a person are you?” I was shouting a silent inner cheer for this interceder who so beautifully cleared the air.


“I am bad” came the reply from Robert’s not-so-defiant lips. I was stunned … silence reigned at the library counter. All … students, and staff … were stilled with this declaration from a five-year-old boy … and I knew that this was a moment of pivotal significance. Not only for Robert; but also for the lad who had prompted him into this announcement; for the children who stood in silent recognition that this boy had made an honest, candid, and obviously painful statement of his inner perception of himself. I looked into Robert’s eyes ... really looked … focused into him. I gave him a moment to recognize the fact that, for me, right then, in that moment there existed no one in the world but Him.

Then I smiled a smile of appreciation and respect and said “Wow!, You are really smart! You are making a really good joke on someone! I am impressed! You must be … like a movie actor or something. Because I am a really smart man. And I know about how people are. And I am really good at spotting good people, and bad people (I then turned to the librarian and asked her to validate the truths that I had just stated, as to my credibility … for The Moment was at hand.) I can tell that you are really a very good guy … I know this… I can tell every time. So you must be making a super good joke on someone to make them think that a really good guy … is bad. I think that you must be a terrific actor.” And, My Dear Reader, I wish that I had at my disposal the ability to adequately portray the look of utter … Hope … that came across Robert’s face. Here this person of a mere five years was … soundly convinced that he, a human being, just the initial sprouting of an individual … was inherently, hopelessly, and forever bad. And some big old, imposing, white-bearded man was telling him that it was but a joke … a misunderstanding … a folly. I asked him if he would do me the honor of being my friend and we exchanged names and a bit more about ourselves.


I will not drone on about the comments from teachers and counselors who later shared notes with each other about this transformed young man. He had, obviously, made some adjustment in his game and had decided to only 'fool’ others into thinking him to be bad on selective occasions. And we enjoyed seeing each other and complimenting each others’ roles when I had the weekly opportunity to read to his class in the library. But the point in this is not this isolated happening.

The message, so clearly and eloquently communicated by Robert and his Moment, is this. We all … every single one of us … have an inner sense of who we are. Like Robert, we have been given this “script” by otherwise loving, caring, well-intentioned (yes, I do know that I am being generous here) Significant Others throughout the course of our lives. And … we buy it. We give these people our trust, our confidence, our faith in their 'superior’ powers of judgment, and we live out the roles that they hand us.


I ask that you put yourself in the person of Robert when I asked him “Who told you that you are bad? Was it someone here at school? Or was it at home? Who did you fool into believing this joke?” and ask yourself, Dear Friend, “Who am I listening to? What qualifies that person to fix a defining label on my spirit? Why am I succumbing to this influence? Wouldn’t I enjoy taking up a script of my own choosing and playing a new role that meets my inner desires?” I do not suggest that this is as easily accomplished in the well over-rehearsed and time-reinforced role of the more experienced adult. But I do offer the hope.

And in that hope, I remain, as always, Your loving Friend and willing Servant.

13 comments:

Annette said...

I am still asking myself "Who am I?" I know that I have several labels to my body, like Mom, daughter, friend, sister, and ect....but just who am I? I'm still asking myself, I think (with hesitation) I might know, but then is Annette just someone else, that others want me to be? I have a clue who I am, but will keep it to myself, cause I am the only one who can fix it, and yes JM YOU will always be my friend & willing servant!! Hugs to you friend~
Annette

Just Joni said...

What a wonderful moment of self-hope-recognition provided by you...sometimes I hear my neighbor telling her little girl she is "bad" and I cringe. Words are so powerful.

You are loved ~

John-Michael said...

I am, truly, blessed to have been given the Gift of a child with mental challenges. This occurrence brought me to a confrontation with that "who am I?" question. For, you see, I had to know that Truth ... in order to help my beautiful Son in his handicapped efforts to discover his own Self. Hence, I went into the exercise with a fervor and intensity that took me through much testing, counseling, meditation, study, and reflection ... all over many years. Knowing, today, exactly who I am is one of the greatest Treasures of my life. And knowing that I was able to provide guidance and encourage to many others ... besides my Son ... in that effort, has been wonderfully rewarding.

I pray the same happy success for You, Dear Annette. (I know that you will find your Self to be quite lovable ... for I have found you to be so!) [smile]

John-Michael said...

The wounds that are inflicted by such condemnations are life-long ... and all too often, never recovered from. I do smile, though, in the recognition that that child has a Sweet Angel looking over her. For, You, My Darling Joni, are there to offer that precious Child a new and fresh perspective on who she is. Your Presence (even from this physical distance ... and for this limited time ... touches and makes my Soul richer and more joy-filled. I know that that Girl will soar with the lift that your nearness will give her wings. I just know it!!) [smile]

I love You ...

Calli said...

We are so capable of altering another's perception of self, it's almost frightening, but to see it altered in such a loving and beautiful way is so amazing! What a special story! That sweet boy will forever remember you, John-Michael, and that moment, for you gave him a new sense of self.

lovely story!
~Calli

lime said...

thank you, my friend. i need to ask myself all the questions you listed and we also need to ask, "what labels am i affixing to others that they may take as permanent fixtures?"

Suldog said...

Beautiful bit of inspiration, that. I hope I'll be able to recall it at an opportune moment. Thanks, John-Michael!

Jun Bullan said...

Who am I? Simple question but not so easy to answer. Many people would not even dare to answer it because they are clueless.

As for me, I can only guess the answer. But in due time the complete answer will unfold. That I am pretty sure of.

John-Michael said...

Yo can be sure, Dearest Calli, that that lovely young Fellow enriched my Being. I am grateful to Life for the infinite Gift of that introduction, and subsequent contacts with him.

And truly grateful to You, Dear One, for your embracing of me. I will always love You, for ... You.

John-Michael said...

I so appreciate your courage, Dear Lime, in making it clear to those to whom you have placed a momentary "label" (perhaps somewhat askew [smile]) the Truth that your "labeling" is done out of an overriding sense of genuine Love and caring concern. Crooked labels can be enjoyed (and kept as loving keepsakes) when the motivation for their presence comes from a sweet Heart.

Lovingly ...

John-Michael said...

Because I know a certain and unwavering confidence in your loving and respectful Character, My Darlin' SulDog Friend ... I know that you carry respectful appreciation, for Others, with You always.

I do, indeed, love You, Jim

John-Michael said...

"Ask, and You, Dear Jun Bullan, will (most assuredly) receive." Life is always ready to whisper the messages of understanding and Truth, to all who are willing to listen.

I thank you for the lovely compliment of your Presence, shared with me.

Lovingly ...

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