Saturday, June 12, 2010


Her sweet message read, “You are never alone,” and I accepted it in the generous spirit that it was intended. I am truly grateful for her intention that I know she is with me … though we have never shared physical space together. Yet, her words have had me replaying her message over and over for the past couple of months. And I am continually reminded that, if there is any one word that could define my life experience, it would, in fact, be “alone.”

I am recognized by many … known by a few … intimate with far fewer … and, ultimately, alone. This, for one whose core Being is inhabited by an eternal yearning for intimacy, is not a happy estate. Thusly, I have disciplined myself to live in a contented acceptance (no small feat,) and deal with the aloneness by willfully numbing my dominant senses.

Though I desire no more moments of this existence … I do succeed (most of the time) in creating happiness and even satisfaction in each day that is served up by Life. But, at the end of each of these days, I rest my head with no appetite for another.

I speak of this with no wish for any sort of response … however supportive or encouraging they may be in purpose or intent. But merely to convey the workings of my mind … that you may know me better. See … there I go again … doing that ‘intimate’ thing. [small smile]


lime said...

i am pleased to know you to the extent i do. rather than offer any words i'd just sit down next to you and enter into your presence for a while and hope it aided in you feeling less alone for those moments.

John-Michael said...

Our shared phone visit, Dearest Lime, and the phone visit from my precious little brother, Steven, were blessed oases in the desert of aloneness today. I found joy and gladness in both inclusions in the worlds of those I dearly love.

And ... now ... in the stillness of your offered Presence ... gentle peace abounds!

Lovingly ...

nitebyrd said...

To be able to share space with you would be precious and beautiful. Your spirit is truly one that is rare, John-Michael. Reaching out to others is, to me, a special gift. Being one who lurks in the shadows, I admire your openness. That you are unafraid to say you yearn for intimacy of like souls is brave. To know that there are like souls in the world, however far they are, should give you some solace that while you may be alone physically, you will never be alone in spirit.

You are such a beautiful man, John-Michael.

John-Michael said...

You, my treasured Friend, could not be more mistaken. For, don't you know, my Darling NiteByrd, that you can never "lurk in darkness.. Your very Presence illuminates. I am absolutely certain of this unassailable Truth because of the warm Light that you bring to my world with each thought of and word from you. You brighten my life.

Loving you ...

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