Rum-Raisin Ice Cream

It was in May of 2008 when I last shared, this bit of perspective, with those who honor me with their attention. Since then, I am blessed with new Friends, and Readers, who have not read it. So, with apologies to those for whom this is a 'repeat,' Here is something that I still have strong feelings about.


I do not like Rum-Raisin Ice-cream.

There, I’ve said it.

There is nothing more to say on the matter (yet you and I know that there will, most assuredly, be more said.)

You see, Dear Friend, I do not begrudge anyone else their preference for Rum-Raisin Ice-cream. I hold no grudge against that flavor. There resides no bitterness in my soul toward the combination of elements that constitute that particular blend. I would never counsel anyone to disallow themselves the opportunity to sample that product nor would I undertake to undermine that dessert’s place in the universe of food products.

It is, quite simply, a fact that my own, personal, individual, particularly unique taste buds do not enjoy Rum-Raisin Ice-cream. And that is perfectly all right for there are myriad other choices offering themselves for my delight.

Yet... when my Friend of many years informed me, some time ago, that she is hesitant to allow herself to openly and publicly be my friend because of her children’s (all grown adults) reservations about me, I was disappointed. My big old twenty stone (sounds so much better than the equivalent in pounds) of feelings got themselves hurt. Why? Because ... (here is where I identify with Rum-Raisin Ice Cream) ... I am who I am. She doesn’t understand why I can’t mitigate myself to accommodate the sensitivities of her children. “Aren’t you denying them the opportunity to know you by insisting on Being you?” she asked. “Why can’t you soften up your presentation of yourself?” “They think that you are being ‘phony’ because you come on with such gusto.”

But who will they know if I present another image to them? Will the presentation of a ‘moderated’ me be an honest portrayal? Yet my friend persisted in the idea that we must ‘respect’ other people’s ‘space’ by adopting behavior that accommodates their sensitivities.

I lived the first four decades of my life in the daily practice of ‘accommodation.’ I was never relaxed. Every encounter was a ‘performance’ for the benefit and to gain the acceptance of, or create comfort for, my ‘Audience.’ This was as true with an Audience of one, as it was with a large gathering in some public meeting place. Consequently, no one (including myself) knew Me. I had no intimate relationships. There existed no place where I could go to, firstly, know who I was for my own knowledge and, secondly, to be that Person in comfort. The accepted social norm was that this was (and is) proper. I now reject that norm (for myself.) I also embrace the consequences resulting from that rejection.

One of those consequences is the reality that I will be (and am) sometimes rejected as a Person. That too is absolutely OK. For my Dear Reader, Rum-Raisin Ice-cream is not for everyone. But it is there for the individuals who have a preference for it and find enjoyment in indulging in its particular delights. And the Friendships that I now enjoy, I enjoy without reservation, in all of the intimate, passionate, and exuberant freedom, that is to be found, in Being the genuine ME.

(Don't you just love all of Life's available Flavours!?)



(NOTE: If You have been reading my stuff since February of last year, first,thank you for your kindness! Secondly, Yes! you have, indeed seen this piece before (March 2007.) But I like it! And I like to "run it up the flag pole" around this time each year (ice cream season is upon us!) So, if nothing else, maybe it will inspire a visit to your favorite ice cream parlor. [smile])


IMAGE Through the gracious courtesy of Ian Britton, FreeFoto.com

Not 'AnyOne' ... 'SomeOne'

“So, why do you want to be alone? Do you not wish to be with anyone?” I was asked. “Oh no! Please understand. It is not my wish, to be alone.

I want very much to be with 'SomeOne'. But if I was with 'AnyOne,' it would only be an uncomfortable reminder, that I am not with that 'SomeOne'.” I answered.

Now, as I reflect on that brief exchange, I consider that You too (as You read these few, simple words) may want to be with your 'SomeOne' at this moment. But circumstance (or perhaps the fruits of previous life choices) have conspired to leave you alone ... with a discriminating disinclination to be with 'AnyOne'.

So, I write, that You may know ...
You are not alone in your Moment.

IMAGES: "Alone" Maxine Kahn, BBC; "SomeOne" Darkroom 11

It's Ice-Cream

We were having one of our extended telephone chats … one in which all of her current interests, concerns, and imperatives were on the ‘table.’ We discussed family, parenting, love-life, and long-term, as well as short-term, plans. She was describing how she feels about ‘Him’ … and interrupted the flow of her reflections with, “Is it OK to feel about him that way?”

I paused (for it takes a moment for Life to whisper to my Muse … and then a moment longer for the Visual [for I process life’s input through visualization … it’s how my mind works] to be passed through to my waiting Spirit.) “Do you have a favorite flavor of Ice Cream?” I asked. With only the slightest of stuttering pauses, she answered, “Well … yes … yes I do!” “There you go then!” I replied. “Did you hear the confidence and certainty with which you just gave me you answer to my ice-cream question? There was neither pause, nor waiver in your absolute clarity on the finality … and ‘rightness’ … of your personal preference and opinion on your choice of ice-creams.

“You are ready and willing to state your election on that matter … without regard for the opinions or preferences of Others. You know, with an absolute certainty, what your taste-buds respond to with spontaneous enthusiasm. And, while you have just over forty years of experience with everyone in your personal world challenging, belittling, condemning, demeaning, discouraging, and undermining every decision and choice that you have ever expressed or selected … no one could ever dispute your personal ice-cream flavor choice.

“You have all of these years of habituated uncertainty … frightened insecurity … and absence of confidence … in the merit and worth of your intuitive and inspired opinions, yearnings, inclinations, and desires. This has been so in every arena of your life. But … you are absolute about ice-cream.

“Please hear me when I tell you that you are brilliant beyond your fondest imaginings. You are wise beyond all of those Voices that seek to hold you in their controlling grasp. You are insightful beyond the horizons of the immediate. So, Sweetheart, listen to … have confidence in … honor and trust what that amazing Heart, Mind, and Spirit tell you. Including how you feel about ‘Him!’

“Because, My Precious, it’s all ice-cream!”

Lookie Who's Here!

Well, Hi there! ... my Darling Friend. [smile] It has been a little while since I have been able to be here with You. As my Precious Lime has been kind enough to let you know, my computer has gone to whatever place in Torment that is reserved for mechanisms that vex and test the character of those who rely on them.

So, Dear One, I speak with You from a physical Place that is some 30 minutes from my home. I am caring for Henry (one BIG baby of a pit-bull dog), and Billy (one devious, lightening quick, and totally cuddleable cat) at the home that they share with my Dear Friends, Dav and Heather (who are away for a couple of weeks ... in Iceland [Dav's homeland].) They graciously invited me to use their fancy-schmancy computer and to enjoy the tranquility of their lovely home whilst they are away. So here (as pictured) I am ... having my morning coffee and allowing the serenity of the view to do its work. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

If I may, I will be sharing, with You, my journal notes made whilst revisiting the Place of some of my most precious Beginnings ... the words of Joseph Campbell, as recorded by Bill Moyers, in The Power of Myth.

Sunday, 02 Aug 09

You and I ... we all respond to the symphony of Creation ...the undulations of nudging Influences.

Some choose to respond by situating themselves in a comfortable place that affords little jostling or engagement. Perhaps just letting the occasional "tapping" of their "emotional toe" suffices as a means of acknowledging Life's underlying "soundtrack."

Others of us welcome the music of The Intimate, and permit it to be demonstrated through our very Being ... some in ritualized formalities of ordered and structured "ball-room steps" ... elegant and inspiring ... while some lean to the interpretive forms of expression that give free-spirited declaration of their inspirations. And there are (of course) all manner and degree of varieties between and around those extremes.

What is universally unavoidable is ... response. Maybe hardened entrenchment in a marching cadence that unwaveringly dictates each daily decision, direction, and debate. Or, perhaps, some primal and unstructured willingness to follow the lead of The Muse's faint whisperings ... accompanied by the insistent throbbing of a muted "drum." But, in whatever way, and to whatever extreme of perceived "music", each and all of us do make those choices ... we all respond in some way. Life does not permit deafness to its summoning symphony.

Monday, 03 Aug 09

I am, forever, indebted to Joseph Campbell for his redirecting of my Spirit's focus ... from its earlier search for life's meaning ... to its present search for the complete experience of living life.

I never was satisfied with sticking labels of social, religious, or political propriety on containerized pieces of my life. It has always been my desire to know and savour the content and quality of each Moment's experience ... with complete disregard for the labels that those around me would want to affix.

Content ... not Image ... has always been my thirst. When engaging in the presentation of an image, or parading a role, it was always for the purpose of gaining access to that treasured Place of comfort and welcome, that would allow an intimate and meaningful exchange. I discount the playing of a role, and/or presentation of an image, as "dues to be paid" for admission to that sacred place of intimate Being.

Me (and YOU) ... as an Onion

Many years ago, I was offered the opportunity to research the impression that my clients had of me (as an Individual) through a device known as a “Social Style Profile.” The intent was to provide us (the Brokers and Agents in the financial planning Firm) with insights that would equip us, to better relate to our Clients. I sent a lengthy questionnaire to the six people, who I felt knew me best, and awaited the “profile” results. What ... a ... disaster! I was not disappointed … I was (quite literally) devastated. It took me weeks of agonized reflection to overcome the impact.)

The person that my closest and most intimate acquaintances saw me to be was a JERK. They did not arrive at this "definition." They thought that the Me that they saw was pretty terrific. They were impressed with that image of Me. But that defined Person was all that I detested. I was appalled! And very hurt. This marked the beginning point in my journey of Self discovery and Self realization. I subsequently gained, over the span of much time, a disjointed and jumbled accumulation, of test results and data, that provided more frustration than resolution.

To the rescue; Dr. Edwin O. Timmons of L.S.U. (Louisiana State University.) Now settle back a bit and consider, with me, what Dr. Timmons had to offer. He illustrated this conflict between the ME that I suspected myself to be, and the ME known to others… as an ONION.

That’s right, your garden variety vegetable (or whatever an onion is.) It was his idea that if we were to chart a description of our natural Creator-given traits, and connected the points on that chart with a line, we would have our true inner selves represented, by what he called “our inner Zig-Zag.” (Pretty high-tech stuff, Eh?) Bear with us now, it gets better (I promise.) [smile]

Let’s suppose that when we first make some expression of our little “Zig-Zag” our expression is met (probably by Mommy) with some form of rejection or reproof ... “No!, No! ... mustn’t do that!” We, for the first time in our fledgling experience, modify our behavior to gain acceptance and/or approval. This “layer of behavior” Dr. Timmons referred to as an “Onionskin” of behavior, put in place to protect our ever-sensitive, and fragile, inner Self's “Zig-Zag” of Temperament and Personality.

Over the years of our lives, we develop (through countless Experiences ... with innumerable Persons .... in myriad Circumstances) an infinite number of these layers of behaviors that insulate our inner-selves from any chance of hurt to ourselves, or offense to others, to whom we feel responsible. So what my Friends recognized as ME (in their responses to that Social Style Profile questionnaire) was the carefully accumulated “Onion,” of outer behavior, that I, with the best of intent, had painstakingly surrounded my fragile Self with. This is what they perceived from without.

What the Meyers-Briggs temperament evaluation brought to my awareness was that, previously unidentified, Zig-Zag. The results explained the conflicts that had so-troubled me for so long. This test validated and reinforced the results of the previously taken "16PF" [personality factors] test; grapho-analysis [handwriting analysis] and many other self-examination systems (I have, over the years, accumulated a file of prodigious girth filled with these instruments of evaluation and measurement.) I could then begin the liberating (for me … confusing and bothersome for others) exercise of peeling away my layers of uncomfortable and binding Onionskins. I was free to elect my choice of behavioral “skins” for re-employment (as I deemed appropriate for the purposes of honest presentation of myself ... in forms suitable for the each of my life's settings.)

Think not that this was all accomplished overnight (or over many nights) for, in truth, the finding of the key tools and contributors in my pilgrimage of self-discovery has spanned decades (you are, now, having it all served up on a 'virtual tray’. [smile]) But, my Friend, do not be so silly as to expect a fast-track to painless and/or easy Self-establishment. It is, however, a most rewarding journey for those desiring the option. For, through the loss of Career, the loss of Marriage, the loss of church Affiliation, estrangement from my Children (I just told you that it would not be painless didn’t I?) there evolved the life that I now breath, and touch, and taste … hear and ingest into my spirit ... with every moment of life. And it is GENUINE. My outer “Zigging” is in complete harmony with my inner “Zig” and the same holds true for my “Zag.” My “onionskins” of behavior are translucent and merely magnify the Me at the core. My life is the ME as I am created to BE ... and I am fully accountable for the living of that identity.

I share all of this in the genuine hope that my experience will serve that Individual for whom Life has encouraged me to post it. Whoever You are ... and in whatever circumstance You find yourself ... I send my most tender Love ... and offer all that I am for your encouragement and sustenance. You are welcome through "comment" (at the bottom of this page) or by Email. I am, lovingly, your willing Servant ... and Friend.






IMAGES: Through the gracious courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.com

What Do You Want?

I was , a while ago, asked by a new friend (as she she sought to discover just who I am), "What do you want?" 'Twas a very fair and honorable question. In fact, a question that recommend, to You, Dear Reader, as a comforting and refreshing exercise ... this asking of your Self, "What do I want?" To my Inquisitor, I responded with an Email, containing the little summary, that I now share, with you.

I share it with you, because it occurs to me, that we could have a delightful time, allowing ourselves to get to know ourselves better ... and enjoy, and thereby, ourselves even better ... if we were to candidly examine our first "knee-jerk" reactions, to that very fundamental question.

Because I have found that by listening to someone else, discussing their inner inclinations and appetites, I become easily engaged in reflections of my own ... I submit my bit of a response ... and encourage you to do what I did, that morning. Perhaps, you will feel inclined to make some mental note of, or jot down, your own spirit's reflexive responses, to the question.

Hence, ... what I want is ...

INTIMACY ... in thoughts, ideas, conversation, feelings, and shared activities.

CHILDREN ... Their sounds, curiosity, silliness, struggles, laughter, and hugs. To know their sense of security and comfort in the bosom of my presence and care.

TOUCHING ... Fingertips, arms, face, neck ... freely, often, comfortably, gently, appreciatively, and spontaneously.

KNOWING SMILES ... Private, quiet, random, filled with meaning and fun, lingering and savored.

UNBOUNDED ACCEPTANCE ... All inclusive.

MUTUAL ADORATION

KINDNESS

And as the song goes ... "These are a few of my favorite things."

Simple

I am but a simple Man.
Simple, and uncomplicated.
If I like talking with You,
I will tell you… just that.

Folks are not accustomed to hearing
Words like, “I like talking with You.”
And I see some hesitation fleetingly race across a face
Followed, immediately, by a look of happy pleasure.

That doesn’t seem all that hard a thing to do …
That, telling you how much I like your Presence.
And I ask myself how you would know …
If I didn’t make the insignificant effort to tell you.

So, I just do it!
Just like I will tell you that your hairstyle is lovely …
Though we do not know each other, and are just passing.
(I then go quickly on my way to allay any potential discomfort.)

We meet in the market aisle, and have to negotiate around.
You smile, in passing.
Your smile made me feel good.
“Oh my! Such a beautiful smile! Thank you for sharing it.”

And again and again, over and over,
I am faithful to the charge given me
by my High School History Teacher,
Lo, those many decades ago.

“If … for the short while, that You are on this tiny planet …
You don’t leave it a better Place, for your having been here …
You will have wasted your Time.”
Tony Jonaitis (1962)

I love you Tony! [smile]

Embracing That Role

It was 1960 … I was 14 years old. I had etched into my psyche, imagery of a Father, his Son, and a loving Friend. The Father was Ed Wynn, the comic; the son Keenan Wynn, an actor; and the Friend, Red Skelton. They were telling the true-life story of their interactions surrounding the filming of a famous movie (“Requiem for a Heavyweight”), produced in 1958.

That movie was of no consequence to my early-teen-age mind. The particulars, of the presentation of this story, held no significance for me. (I only learned yesterday, that it was a presentation of the Westinghouse Desilu Playhouse, and was entitled “The Man in the Funny Suit.”) What was, profoundly significant to my hungry young mind, was the legitimate and intimate offering of the struggles known to a Dad and his Son as they combated the forces of life tearing at their identities, and their relationship, with jaws of circumstantial demands and situational expectations.

What was meaningful in the mind of a fourteen-year-old boy, was this presentation of someone else’s actual battles to maintain a bond of familial respect and honor in the mêlée’ of the world’s requirements and insistence. This I could relate to. This I lived every day of my own life. This struggle with, and for, Identity, I remember with absolute clarity … right up to the 20th day of November, 2008. For, My Dearest of Friends, this is where the Soul of this boy has lived.

So … here is what the whole ‘deal’ was all about. Ed Wynn and his son were telling the story (in this later-produced portrayal) of the painfully trying experience that was theirs as Ed tried to play a dramatic role in the “Heavyweight” movie. Ed had never done anything, in his professional life, other than Be the “Funny man.” Or, as this presentation of the story, by Westinghouse Desilu, labeled him, “The Man In The Funny Suit.” So as filming efforts were made, and Ed encountered moments of unfamiliar slip-ups or confusions, he would fall back on what he was familiar, and comfortable, with … his comic persona.

But this was a dramatic and very intensely ‘heavy’ story … no place for silly comic behaviors. The tension and concern mounted as the time for final film ‘takes’ came closer … and Ed was increasingly doubtful of his ability to ‘play his role.’ So, he sought out his life-long Friend and fellow-Comic (who had, with some measure of success played various roles in film and stage) … Mr. Skelton. “You have to ‘not be Ed Wynn’, but be the character that you are portraying.” Mister Skelton coached. “Forget that Keenan is your son. He is that Character that he is portraying. And your Character hates that Character played by Keenan. So you, in Character, must (as that Character) hate him.” was his advice.

This story struck home with that guy watching his family’s black-and-white television screen’s presentation. That 14 year-old boy was being told to play ‘Roles’ in life … even as a teen-ager … that were contrary to who he felt himself to be. His peer group … his church … his relatives … his neighbors … his school administrators and teachers … all had scripts that demanded performances that he felt “out of character” in. And he was living in a place of unhappy discomfort … that he saw portrayed by these men playing out their own real-life conflicts … right there in his home … on his television set. And it struck home in his Soul.

As I reflect on this happening of my Yesterday; and the successes and notable career that became Mister Red Skelton’s; it occurs to me that he became that Man of fame and note, known to us today, because he made the choice to … Be … Red Skelton. He elected to be that Person that he was so beautifully created to Be. Even in all of his silly ’roles’ portrayed in skits of hilarious memory … it was always Red Skelton doing his ‘bit.’ There was never any reference to the character portrayed as the Identity being referred to. His fame was in playing out the scripted role in life that had his own name on it. He was a marvelous success at Being Red Skelton. Methinks that there is a bit more than a small message in that.

And, for his place in the minds and hearts of all whose lives have been uplifted and sweetened by the Presence of Mister Ed Wynn on our shared stage of life … he, too, is remembered and revered for Being himself … the incomparable Ed Wynn. You will have great difficulty finding anyone who recalls his role ‘played’ in the ‘Heavyweight’ movie. All of the anguish and pain so eloquently portrayed in the Westinghouse Desilu presentation was such a waste of effort … unless you give value and worth to what it meant in the Mind … Heart … and Soul, of a solitary teenage boy who hungered for every morsel of insight and inspiration that was delivered to his small home in Tampa, Florida, on that day in 1960. You can then compound that value for every time that he recalled that story (and there have been many) over the ensuing years, to this present day. Life has such a beautiful way of providing what we need. [smile]

Thus, My dear Reader, I had all of this stuff washed to the surface of my awareness last night … and as I awakened with its presence this morning. In reflecting on the story (with an extraordinary Loved One) last night, in the moments following our shared search for the identity of that long-displaced set of circumstances, that left only the vague impressions of the individuals mentioned, and their interpersonal challenges … I was impressed with the core truth that the elements of the whole matter that had a lasting effect on me were the intimate and personal matters of each of the participants lives. I had no recall of names of movies, programs, dates, situations, or any other of the details that would be the stuff of note to anyone caught up in the fascinations of entertainment trivia. I had the lasting residue of the 'people stuff’ as my companion. For, you see, this is what matters to who I am … the People Stuff. Not the Detail stuff.

And this is the ‘stuff’ that makes up the props and setting surrounding the Character of John-Michael. In embracing my role in Life’s script, I have, as the elements of my life’s ‘set,’ the inner aspects of the lives of those with whom I am blessed to share Life’s stage, in any given moment. And I have given all of my Self to Being the John-Michael (that Life has cast me to be) in my responses to each ‘cue’ and ‘prompt’ that life’s Supreme Creator/Producer/ Director gives.

I listen with expectant ear, for a whisper of need, desire, or openness for nurture or succor, from every other Player on my life’s stage. I hear and feel the rhythms and themes of Life’s orchestral accompaniment as it plays out varying aspects of living’s spectrum of possibilities. I weep genuine tears and issue forth unmeasured laughter in honest response to the demands of each moment’s situation and circumstance … lest I lose the depth and richness of that instant’s significance. And all this is possible because I am in character … with my Self. I am neither torn nor confused by the distractions of standing in for some other role or character. Oh no! No longer!

When I review my performance … as we must all, someday do … I will celebrate my Soul’s recall of my responses to and fulfillment of all of the moods, themes, spirits, and intents of The Director in each scene that I was part of. For I am in that role … I am that Character … I am fulfilling the requirements of the script for my Being … in this day’s presentation of my life’s Play. And I tell you this, Dearest of Friends and Most-Faithful of Readers, in the hope that I can encourage, challenge, and stimulate you to set aside all conflicting Roles being offered to, or thrust upon you … and Be that magnificent Character that is singularly yours to play.

In this effort, I hope that I can be that ‘Red Skelton-like’ Friend who you can be uplifted by in loving and caring support. For, don’t you know, I play, for You, that wonderfully satisfying “supporting character role” in this scene of our shared Play. And I like it! For I do, indeed, love You. And I long to see your name “up in lights” on Life’s marquee.

Consistency

“Nothing is too wonderful to be true, if it be consistent with the laws of nature, and in such things as these, experiment is the best test of such consistency.”

Michael Faraday, English physicist and chemist

(diary, 19 March 1849; Faraday's Diary (1934 ed.) vol. 5)

I can imagine no more beautiful words than those “Nothing is too wonderful to be true” uttered by Michael Faraday, long ago. For, if there is ever to be a defining creed for an Idealist … ‘twould certainly be this. Is this not the “carrot” that tantalizes me forward, one step following another, in my life. Following that “just beyond this” that might just be a better way of saying what my Heart senses. Reaching for that “perhaps I can illustrate it with greater clarity” that draws me to an ever-expanding library of Dictionaries and Thesauruses of several languages. Opening my Self to the vulnerabilities and potentials for misunderstandings and missteps that must accompany blazing new trails into new and uncharted worlds of revealing personal Emotions and Feelings. Thus is my moment-by-moment life as an Idealist/Romantic. I could no more live otherwise than a fish can scale mountains. (No pun intended. [smile])

And the one standard … the single common denominator that I adhere to … is Consistency. This is my life-line. That I be consistent in motive and intent … in my Heart’s focus and “compass-set.” To be steadfast and true to the leadings of my Spirits inner whisperings. This, and only this, I have complete control over. I can never guarantee my acceptance as “Right.” Nor will I permit my Self to be crippled by fears that I will be judged “Wrong” by any element of my World. For, those judgments and estimations are the exclusive purview of each individual or group of like-minded parties who weigh me on their individual sets of measures and expectations. Judgments and Opinions are things that (whilst they do bring with them their incumbent bruises, as well as smiles) are outside the narrow focus of my desire to deepen and enrichen the life experiences of those touched by my passing. I can only be, and am determined to consistently be, true to the “Who I Am” of my created Person. So, I am becoming more and more comfortable with this business of “consistency.”

And I was glad for that reality when, just this morning, I encountered one of my favorite people of my life-walk’s experience. Tony Jonaitis was my Teacher in high School back in 1962. He, more than any other individual in my life, touched, inspired, and encouraged me to be who I am today. So, when I saw him in the restaurant today, I walked up behind him … leaned my arm against his back … and waited the brief moment for his recognition. And the recognition, and spontaneity of a joyful reunion was lovely.

How sweet to be with him again! We exchanged pleasantries … fondnesses … and current event updates. Then, with him having issued an invitation (bordering on and insistence) for me to come pay a visit after his return from a trip to Massachusetts (to do some construction work on his son’s home [at age seventy nine, still, and-always, the 'man who gets things done']), three weeks hence, (he and I live less than five minutes from each other now.) And, as he made his way toward the door, I spoke up in a louder voice, “Hey, Tony … I sure do love You. Please don’t forget to give my love to your Bride.” Whereupon he waved and said, “Yeah, Brown, me too!” (he has never been comfortable with those demonstrations of emotion or feelings ... but has ALWAYS appreciated them.) And he was gone.

Consistence! The young fellow who works as one of the Assistant Managers of the restaurant watched and listened through all of this. The staff at the check-out counter watched and listened to all of this. They saw. They heard. They reflected and compared … all of the times that I have voiced similar expressions and feelings to some of them. The times that I have told that young Assistant Manager … “Hey Casey, I love you man!” And they witnessed Consistency in my life.

They wondered who this man was. So I told them of my history with Tony. How he affected my life in my youth. How he issued the Charge that, even today, motivates my Soul, when he told our History class, “If … for the short while that You are on this tiny planet … You don’t leave it a better Place for your having been here … You will have wasted your Time.” How he is a model of Consistency. How our relationship has been, for decades, consistent. And I sensed a peaceful comfort in each of these young people who live lives that have little or no Consistency or Reliability present in them. They experienced a living sample of the beautiful weaving of individual lives into the Fabric of Life. They had some insight into one of the Influences that has shaped who this Fellow (known to them, for all of these years, as John-Michael) into who he is.

There, before them, they saw, played out, a legitimately loving relationship between two men of different generations from each other … and certainly different generations from that of these young people. And in a world of turmoil and uncertainty, they knew, through the portrayal presented before them, of an ongoing Love and Respect that is, obviously, healthy, dynamic, and even … can you imagine! … Fun! I was so glad that I have lived a life of Consistency in front of these impressionable young people. And, after some recent bruises and pains earned in my efforts to Be consistently open and Loving, I am encouraged and joyful in today’s validation.

Rum-Raisin Ice Cream

I do not like Rum-Raisin Ice-cream.

There, I’ve said it.

There is nothing more to say on the matter (yet you and I know that there will, most assuredly, be more said.)

You see, Dear Friend, I do not begrudge anyone else their preference for Rum-Raisin Ice-cream. I hold no grudge against that flavor. There resides no bitterness in my soul toward the combination of elements that constitute that particular blend. I would never counsel anyone to disallow themselves the opportunity to sample that product nor would I undertake to undermine that dessert’s place in the universe of food products.

It is, quite simply, a fact that my own, personal, individual, particularly unique taste buds do not enjoy Rum-Raisin Ice-cream. And that is perfectly all right for there are myriad other choices offering themselves for my delight.

Yet... when my Friend of many years informed me, some time ago, that she is hesitant to allow herself to openly and publicly be my friend because of her children’s (all grown adults) reservations about me, I was disappointed. My big old twenty stone (sounds so much better than the equivalent in pounds) of feelings got themselves hurt. Why? Because ... (here is where I identify with Rum-Raisin Ice Cream) ... I am who I am. She doesn’t understand why I can’t mitigate myself to accommodate the sensitivities of her children. “Aren’t you denying them the opportunity to know you by insisting on Being you?” she asked. “Why can’t you soften up your presentation of yourself?” “They think that you are being ‘phony’ because you come on with such gusto.”

But who will they know if I present another image to them? Will the presentation of a ‘moderated’ me be an honest portrayal? Yet my friend persisted in the idea that we must ‘respect’ other people’s ‘space’ by adopting behavior that accommodates their sensitivities.

I lived the first four decades of my life in the daily practice of ‘accommodation.’ I was never relaxed. Every encounter was a ‘performance’ for the benefit and to gain the acceptance of, or create comfort for, my ‘Audience.’ This was as true with an Audience of one, as it was with a large gathering in some public meeting place. Consequently, no one (including myself) knew Me. I had no intimate relationships. There existed no place where I could go to, firstly, know who I was for my own knowledge and, secondly, to be that Person in comfort. The accepted social norm was that this was (and is) proper. I now reject that norm (for myself.) I also embrace the consequences resulting from that rejection.

One of those consequences is the reality that I will be (and am) sometimes rejected as a Person. That too is absolutely OK. For my Dear Reader, Rum-Raisin Ice-cream is not for everyone. But it is there for the individuals who have a preference for it and find enjoyment in indulging in its particular delights. And the Friendships that I now enjoy, I enjoy without reservation, in all of the intimate, passionate, and exuberant freedom, that is to be found, in Being the genuine ME.

(Don't you just love all of Life's available Flavours!?)



(NOTE: If You have been reading my stuff since February of last year, first,thank you for your kindness! Secondly, Yes! you have, indeed seen this piece before (March 2007.) But I like it! And I like to "run it up the flag pole" around this time each year (ice cream season is upon us!) So, if nothing else, maybe it will inspire a visit to your favorite ice cream parlor. [smile])


IMAGE Through the gracious courtesy of Ian Britton, FreeFoto.com

"Real" to Each "Puppy"

The only Billy Graham column that I recall ever reading had a heading that captured my eye. If I recall correctly, it read “Puppy Love.” In his column, Dr. Graham responded to a mother's exhortation to “Please set my son straight and tell him in your column that he is too young to know ‘Real Love’. I have tried to explain that his ‘puppy love’ is not real," she explained further "but he will not listen to me. I know that he will listen to you.”

Billy Graham’s response etched itself into my consciousness and altered my perspective on the legitimacy of the viewpoint of others forever. He simply said “It is Real to the Puppy.”

Thank you Dr. Graham!

I hit my thumb with a hammer yesterday. And do you know, it did not even occur to me to say “There are people in this world with far worse problems.” Oh no! What I said was "__!!" Well, never mind what I actually said … that is more than you need know. But, My Dear Reader, I think that you begin to see where we are going here. That throbbing thumb did not get recognized with the cool detachment, of some applied table of relative Sufferings. It consumed all of my attention for not only that instant, but each time that I bumped it against something for the balance of the day. It was very real to this Puppy!

And so it is with all of us. We apply every fiber of ourselves to whatever is served up,on our personal “plate of circumstances.” We do not adjust our response to some scale of presupposed priorities. When that Circumstance is served up, by Life, to us … it gets all of our undivided attention. It has become our immediate responsibility, and we rise to meet whatever it requires.

Then along comes the parade of “Supporters”, the Well-Wishers, those who deign themselves to be our Care-Inflictors. And they come with their endless variety of platitudes. “Well Dear, you know, don’t you, that it could be worse,” or “I see, Dear, but, you know … I knew someone who had a far worse circumstance,” or “Oh my, that is not nearly as serious a problem as ___” (and they begin to fill that blank in with Stuff that amazes you in its voluminous quantities.) What about (I ask) a simple, brief, and sincere “I am so sorry.” How about a tiny bit of empathy! Hey folks … this is the Real Deal to this Puppy!

So today, Dear Friend, I ask not how your pain compares to the pain of others. I ask “Do you have pain?” And if you do … “I am so sorry.” For I would not that your life be aggravated, harassed, or vexed by pain, discomfort, or inconvenience of any sort or variety.

My sixty-two years has blessed me with many and varied pains, confusions, unhappinesses, and miseries. I know how lonely suffering is. And I would lessen and even eliminate all or part of what you are now hosting were it in my power.

What is, most certainly, in my power is my capacity and willingness to love and care about you. So, Dear One, please permit my Spirit to reassure you that you are, most certainly, not alone, right now … in this moment of your reading … You are thought of. Though I know not your name … The One who does know You knows the legitimacy of my care for you. This Puppy loves you.



IMAGES: PuppyDogWeb