A Private Message To Maria

I hope that you are dealing with the "craziness" of life’s happenings … with some measure of more tranquil and peaceful comfort. (You may notice [as it has just occurred to me] that I make frequent use of the word “comfort.” This is not because of my hearing it in use around me. But because that simple and uncomplicated word carries with it some chemistry that calms my inner Spirit … each time that I refer to it. And this calming and pleasant sense is something that I want so very much to make as my gift to you.

So, My beautiful (I have the photo of you with me as I visit with you [smile]) and precious Friend …

take a moment with me (in all of my magnificent handsomeness and charm [stupid grin]), have a cup of coffee, and let’s share a still and uncomplicated few minutes together.

(Yes! This does reveal how much I want us to be together … and I am allowing it to show! [gentle smile])

“I didn't mean to make u feel that I'm not opening up about what happened in my relationship... It's still too fresh and I only recently came to realise that I was in a verbally abusive relationship... And I still feel uncomfortable and weird about it... mostly numb... very few times angry... most of the times confused and unsure of myself…” Well, My Darling, I was simply trying to respond to what I felt that I was “hearing” as you made mention of your relationship, several times. So, I (as we say) “stuck my toe into the water” to discover if it felt like a welcoming place. And, I can assure you that I am speaking with a loving whisper, and listening with a tender ear, to your reluctant speaking of these unhappy times for you. So, I hope that you feel a tiny bit more comfortable with my presence in this place with you. I think that all of those emotions are completely natural … and appropriate … for this time. But I am made more sure of that because Alecia phoned as I was thinking about you today … so (and I do hope that you do not mind) I told her about your kind remarks about her … and read the things that you wrote about her being “ a really strong and optimistic person, and from what u've told me I truly admire her... She must have been through hell and came out alive and proud.” Your words made her feel very good. Then she asked for more about you. So, I read this Email from you to her. And as I did, she said “Yes!! Oh Yes!! That’s EXACTLY how I feel too.” many times. Her 1st husband (and the father of her 3 children) is an alcoholic (just as her mother is.) And then she marries this guy that made all sorts of “romantic demonstrations” when they dated. But I read between the lines of his behavior and through his language and actions … and I knew that he was merely setting her up to take advantage of her. “But it is so good when it is good, Dad!” she would say (over and over again.) “I know that I can teach him to change in all of those other areas as he accepts the reality that I do love him and want the best for him.” Alas … he was, indeed, just manipulating her to get her to commit to marriage because he believed that, once married, he could abuse her (and her children) with foul language and physical abuses. So, as I shared your pain with her, she said again and again “Yes!, Yes!.” She agreed, with you, and me, that the 3 of us would enjoy time shared with each other [smile].

She, like you, was inclined to translate the abuses and disrespect of someone else whose motives and intentions are self-centered and all about their own wants and desires, as some sort of earned punishment for her own failings. I am so happy that we have, together, found the beautiful perspective that lifts her far above that dark valley to heights that permit a fuller and more complete vision of the larger picture of life. And she is embracing the truth of her magnificent worth … and enjoying the hell out of it!! [grin.] And you, My Precious Maria, are no less marvelous a young woman! Please believe me in this. For,, you see, I am not so noble and generous that I would allow my Self to be so completely captivated and enchanted by ANYONE who might be of any lesser qualities. I am VERY discriminating with my affections!

So, Maria, when you say “ I'm drained but I have to go on and smile and pick me up because I owe it to my parents and to everyone who believes in me…” I can reassure you that you should most certainly be drained. You are, after all, a mortal and finite Human Being with defined and realistic limitations in emotional resources and energies. And you have had your Self subjected to a very long, unrelenting period of demands on all of those resources. So, to be “drained” is appropriate, indeed. And it is lovely, noble, and speaks of the beautiful Character that is the core of your being, that you want to restore your complete Self for the benefit of your Parents and all of those others who believe in you. BUT … first … you have a responsibility to that marvelous creation and magnificent Being that is … MARIA. She is so worthy of all of you. She is so wanting to know and appreciate all that you can discover about your talents, abilities, desires, and appetites. She has only You to rely on to meet her needs. And when you do that … when you care for YOU, and respectfully respond to your particular inclinations and designs … then (and ONLY then) Maria can be all that all of those who surround you and rely on you want and need. This is how the order of living priorities works best. And I am her for and with you all of the way … each baby step of the way. Because I do (as I have for these years now) love you.

I have said a lot here. But it is but a small drop in the bucket compared to the river of feeling that I have with it. (So you are very fortunate that I am exercising discipline in sparing you any more reading [grin]). I do hope that this note finds you having a moment of “Happy.” I want so much to bring that to you …

Loving you endlessly,
Your Forever Friend, John-Michael