The Third of More Than Three

The Next Step

As one of the 24% of the world’s population that processes life’s information in a holistic manner (as opposed to the 76% who process elements of life’s input in a linear fashion) I had been, for all of my (at the time of my son’s diagnosis) thirty years of life, challenged by the consuming (though not understood) need to “see” the “big picture” of every situation before proceeding on with involvement in it. Holding in my arms that trusting and loving little person, whose every moment was a developmental happening, negated all possibility of my finding a comfort level for functioning. The immediacy of his needs required instant provision of attention that I knew nothing about satisfying. I had no template… no model… no mental image… no mentor, advisor, nor counsel to guide me in meeting the challenge presented by my son’s unknown psychological, physical, temperamental, and even spiritual needs. So… How to proceed?

Here I was, a person whose inner turmoil was best summed up in what I had long-since elected as the prophetic biblical summation of all that I was. It was stated by the apostle Paul in his letter to the Romans (Ch 7, Vs 19), to wit: “For the good that I would, I do not; but the evil that I would not, that I do.” And that perfectly stated how I had always felt about my abilities and my performances in life. I was a jumble of insecurity and confused uncertainty… and I had, in my hands, the immediate and future happiness of this little human being… who was relying on me to understand what his damaged brain could not understand… who needed me to communicate to his subconscious comprehension (at whatever level that might be possible) as well as to the world outside of him, an understanding of who he is… who was dependent on me to sort out years of medical and educational theories and conjectures to glean from them the applicable and appropriate specifics for his particular needs… who was counting on me to create a comfortable, encouraging, pleasant, and happy life environment in which he could have the very best chance to thrive and blossom. And I was a bundle of fear and uncertainty… ignorance and hopelessness… inadequacy and timidity. But there was no alternate Dad waiting in the wings. I was elected. The job was mine. And, by God, I was not going to let that little guy down.

So why do I share all of this with you, My Dear Reader? Because you (many, many of you who have communicated with me) are confronting your own daunting and overwhelming set of options, choices, possibilities, elections, demands, and responsibilities. And you feel so incapable of taking the first step. Your fears are palpable. Your doubts are without bounds. And I write to you to give you some insight and comfort in the experience that I share with you now. What are we (me, all those years ago… and you, right now) to do? The answer for me was provided, in part, by good old Albert… you know… Al Einstein. A pretty fair fellow in the area of thinking about the “big picture”, wouldn’t you say? And what did Albert Einstein have to contribute to our shared life dilemmas? He simply said “God did not create the universe to operate at the role of the dice.” He was saying, My Dear Friend, that none of this stuff of life… in the miniscule elements of our immediate circumstance, or in the balance of the galaxies of the universes… is out of the control of the One who created and maintains it all.

Now I have already told you about my awareness of my own limitations and inadequacies… and of the immediacy of the demands of my son’s needs… so I required someone else’s wisdom to count on. One of those “Someone s” was Albert Einstein. Another fellow with whom I was impressed was the Author of the biblical book of Proverbs. In the third chapter of that book and the fifth through the sixth verses of that chapter I discovered an insight that I was willing to hitch my wagon of life to. It reads “Trust in your Creator with all of your might… lean not on your own understandings… in all of your ways acknowledge Him… and He will direct all of your paths.” So, I had Einstein telling me that he was confident of the controlling and maintaining force of the Creator of all of life. And I had the wisdom of Solomon telling me to “trust.” So I did! I took one trusting step at a time. I began an odyssey of faith and trust in the guidance of the voice of that “still, small Presence” that spoke to me and said “OK” when I needed to take that next step. I moved ahead with the understanding that if I put each tiny part of the project before me into place with all of my best intention and loving care… a satisfactory and beneficial “product” would emerge at some unknown time and in some unforeseen place. I began a daily reliance on my innate (though not understood) abilities to respond to the requirements of each unfolding moment. I trusted in something (that was, in fact, the active interaction between all of what I knew, was learning, and was capable of by virtue of accumulated knowledge and skills) beyond my perceived limitations. I responded to a focus on someone outside of my sensitivities. I was taken outside of the boundaries of my “Idealist,” “Right-Brain-Dominant,” natural function and forced (by my election to defer to my son’s priorities and needs) to take steps that would have, otherwise, been impossible.

My message to you then is… “Place your focus on that person who is counting on you… right now… and take a trusting step of faith in Life.” And… most assuredly… that person could be, and should be YOU, first. For you are most responsible for Yourself. And you, Dear One, hold in your hands, the immediate and future happiness of You. Life holds you accountable for what you do with You. You will hold yourself accountable for what you do with You. You do not need a third person, cause, position, or any other consideration, to move forward with a step of responsibility for the development and growth of You. With the same sense of immediate urgency and necessity that motivated me to march forward for my son’s benefit… march forward for the benefit of Yourself and all of the lives that that healthy and fully-functioning Self will touch and affect.

To the end and in the hope that there is a spark of benefit for you in your personal pilgrimage in these thoughts and reflections shared… I remain, as always, Your faithful Friend and Servant,

John-Michael