I can develop an immediate craving for a deviled crab. (OK… I confess… never less than two will do.) [For you who have not been blessed by the taste gods with the deviled crab experience, I am talking about a gem of culinary magic that is a rolled cake of breading, seasoned with a healthy dose of spices, and surrounding a core of shredded crab meat. The resulting hand-size roll is tapered closed at both ends and fried until the breading is browned and just barely crisp. Then the crowning touch is added with the ceremonial pinching of the outer crust to expose the steamy interior along most of the length of this delicacy to render it a welcoming receptacle for a generous sprinkling of the hot sauce of your choice. The result… perfection.]Can this treat be enjoyed without the opening and dousing with the sauce? Certainly… enjoyed, yes… but not celebrated. For, My Friend, while no one would ever (to my knowledge) slide a straw into the neck of a bottle of hot sauce (Crystal brand being my favorite) and draw a long taste of its flavor as a solo source of pleasure, the sauce is the elixir that brings the celebratory element to its host. Many have been my opportunities to be at a table of ravenous deviled crab fans and though the main attraction is the roll… everyone waits, however impatiently, for the passing of that sauce bottle.
This brings to mind two friends (well… one is far more than a “friend”… she and I agreed, some while back, that Life had brought us together so that we could fill a shared yearning… for me, a daughter… and for her a Dad… so she is now [and will be forevermore] my daughter… and I am her Dad… The other of the aforementioned “two” is her fiancée.) They are the ‘hot sauce’ in the mix of their individually respective sets of friends. Their friends have, for the most part, been an extended family of comrades since their school years. They, in turn, have each been the element that lends the romance, the juice, and the pizzazz to the wonderful delicacy that is the beautifully blended group constituting their amalgam of long-standing friends. And now they have found each other. Two distinctly unique individuals who have, heretofore, been the source of flamboyant energy to those who have always seen to it that they were added to any opportunity for enjoyment of the friendships. When the presence of a ‘special someone’ to create an effect was called for… everyone in their respective friendship groups knew just who to summon. And they have always been delighted to respond and make the entirety of themselves available for the contribution of flair and excitement that is their hallmark.
But hot sauce is not a staple for the palate of the world… it is a powerful additive… while alone it is just that… alone. And this is what they have each been for a long time… alone. Until now, that is… now they have discovered each other and the desire is to pour themselves into each other. For, don’t you see, a powerful sauce, when combined with another equally powerful sauce, is transformed by a synergistically exponential reaction into a new product that could have never existed without the combined elements of each contributor. All of Them into all of Each Other. And now their friends are bemoaning the absence of their ‘favorite brand’ of long-known sauce for the enlivening of the group. The friends are casting accusations of “selfishness” at them for their not-understood yearning for the blending, the immersion of all of their individual romantic energies into all of the romantic energies of another. The friends feel betrayed because the deviled crab is such a large thing and can’t accept the fact… in fact has no way of understanding the reality… that the sauce is a small minority of life’s recipe that has desires quite unlike those of the mass.
For, My Dear Friend, these two individuals have, prior to this time, been finding the satisfaction of their yearning for romance in their bringing of romance… the passion, intimacy, and all encompassing ecstasy, that is the nature of their very being, into every life that they have touched through their lives. This is not an option for them… neither a choice nor an election… any more than the hot spiciness brought to the crab roll by the hot sauce. But please understand, the roll and the sauce are, above all else, different. They are different in their basic constitution, their make-up, and the elements that have combined to generate that thing that is them. Rolls can be easily blended with rolls and are comfortable in the blending… sauces can be blended with other sauces to create exciting new blends. And the two can be brought together, in the right combinations, at the appropriate moments, and in the fitting circumstances, to create an enjoyable result. But they, in and of themselves, have separate needs for integrity.
Heretofore, they have been walking through their lives alone… together with their friends. Now they are walking together… and desire to have their friends accept them, incorporate them, embrace them as a new and exciting flavor for the enlivening of that delicacy that is a new friendship group combining all of the wonderful ingredients that have been refined by years of perfecting and development particular to their respective lives.
I have labored through all of this cumbersome (and hopefully not too tiring) metaphorical presentation in the hope that I can provide some level of basis for acceptance, comfort, endorsement, and encouragement for them and their respective groups of friends. I am unaware of any other vocabulary to usher in such a platform for this mission. I beg your indulgence, grace, patience and forbearance in your consideration of my sometimes clumsy but always well-intended efforts. For, Dear One, our growth as accepting, respectful, supportive, and encouraging fellow pilgrims in this our brief journey through life together is my most sincere desire.
I remain, as always, Your constant Friend and willing Servant,
JohnMichael, 26 April 2005
IMAGES: Deviled Crabs: Herky’s Food Products; Hot Sauce: Crystal
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