It Was All About Being An Onion

Many years ago, I was offered the opportunity to research the impression that my clients had of me, as an individual, through a device known as a “social profile.” The intent was to provide us (the brokers and agents in the financial planning firm) with insights that would equip us to better relate to our clients. I sent a lengthy questionnaire to the six people who I felt knew me best and awaited the “profile” results. What a disaster! I was not disappointed… I was (quite literally) devastated. The person that my closest and most intimate acquaintances saw me to be was a JERK. I was appalled! This was the beginning point in my journey of self discovery and self realization. I gained, over time, a disjointed and jumbled accumulation of test results and data that provided more frustration than resolution.
To the rescue; Dr. Edwin O. Timmons of L.S.U. (Louisiana State University.) Now settle back a bit and consider, with me, what Dr. Timmons had to offer. He illustrated this conflict between the ME that I suspected myself to be and the ME known to others… as an ONION. That’s right, your garden variety vegetable (or whatever an onion is.) It was his idea that if we were to chart a description of our natural Creator-given traits and connected the points on that chart with a line we would have our true inner selves represented by what he called “our inner zigzag.” Pretty high-tech stuff huh? Bear with us now, it gets better, I promise. Let’s suppose that when we first make some expression of our little “zigzag” our expression is met (probably by Mommy) with some form of rejection or reproof “no, no mustn’t do that…” We, for the first time in our fledgling experience, modify our behavior to gain acceptance and/or approval. This “layer of behavior” Dr. Timmons referred to as an “onionskin” of behavior put in place to protect our ever-sensitive “zigzag.”
Over the years of our lives, we develop, through countless experiences with innumerable persons in myriad circumstances, an infinite number of these layers of behaviors that insulate our inner-selves from any chance of hurt to ourselves or offense to others to whom we feel responsible. So what my friends recognized as ME was the carefully accumulated “onion” that I, with the best of intent, had painstakingly surrounded my fragile self with. This is what they perceived from without.

What the Meyers-Briggs temperament evaluation brought to my awareness was that, theretofore unidentified, zigzag that explained the conflicts that had so-troubled me for so long. This test validated and reinforced the results of the 16PF [personality factors] test, grapho-analysis [handwriting analysis] and many other self-examination systems (I have, over the years, accumulated a file of prodigious girth filled with these instruments of evaluation and measurement.) I could then begin the liberating (for me… confusing and bothersome for others) exercise of peeling away my layers of uncomfortable and binding onionskin. I could then elect my choice of behavioral “skins” for re-employment (as I deemed appropriate for the purposes of honest presentation of myself in a form suitable for the setting.)
Think not that this was all accomplished overnight or over many nights for, in truth, the finding of the key tools and contributors in my pilgrimage of self-discovery has spanned a couple of decades (you are having it all served up on a paper ‘tray’.) But, my Friend, do not be so silly as to expect a fast-track to painless and/or easy self-establishment… it is, however, a most enjoyable journey. For, through the loss of career, the loss of marriage, the loss of church affiliation (I just told you that it would not be painless didn’t I) there evolved the life that I now breath, and touch, and taste… hear and ingest into my spirit with every moment. And it is GENUINE. My outer “Zigging” is in complete harmony with my inner “Zig” and the same holds true for my “Zag.” My “onionskins” of behavior are translucent and merely magnify the Me at the core. My life is the ME as created to BE and I am fully accountable for the living of it.


IMAGES: Through the gracious courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.com