Tuesday, April 21, 2009

"Runaway Train" from Do-ing to Be-ing

“Every time that I have been here, you have instructed me to sit comfortably and then you have introduced your intended agenda …” I said to him, “Today, I would like for you to make yourself comfortable, and I am going to tell you what my agenda has been …” And I did. I told him about Her. I told him about “us”, and how we had become “us.” And this remarkable man (a gifted and accomplished Clinical Psychologist and University Professor), who had guided, coached, instructed, advised, listened to, exhorted, admonished, and cared about me, as my Psychologist and Friend, for four years … was thunderstruck.

“For all of these years, I have learned all about the make-up, the elements, the structure of You. Over that time I have witnessed you doing all of the 'right,' 'best,' and 'appropriate' things in your life. But this is the first time that I have ever seen you 'alive.’ The lights are on and you are 'at home.’ You have, prior to today, been a fully engaged Human … doing all of your life’s required and expected things. And now, for the first time, I see you as a complete Human Being.” I listened to his summary statement … and responded, “So, I have evolved from a “Human Doing”, to a “Human Being.” And we shared a mutual smile of acknowledgment and agreement.

Since that day, My Dear Reader, I have been focused on my responsibilities to that Being, that I now understand myself to have been wondrously created to be. And I have assumed the posture, that all of life’s required “doings”, of the “stuff” (the details required by the living of life), will be well and rightly taken care of, as a natural out-flowing from my moment-by-moment election ... my willful and knowing choice ... to be the most genuine and realistic Me, that I can honestly be. If I am Being the best John-Michael that I can be ... I needn't be focused on the doing of things. Those "things" will be done by someone else if I am not here to attend to them. But there is not ... has never been ... will never be ... anyone who can Be this funky individual that I have been so uniquely created to Be. Therefore, Dearest Friend, I must be about Being, and not sweat the Doings.

As Ghandi so beautifully put it, I “must be the changes that I want to see in my world. Hence the license tag on my vehicle that reads “justbeingme.” Just as my Email address is “justbnmebrown@juno.com", and this blog is “Just-Being-John-Michael" as my testimony to whomever may be open, and sensitive, to the message suggested there. For, My Dear Reader, that is what I was best created to be … Me. No other person can be this individual that I alone am. And Life holds no one else responsible for being all that I am capable of being … other than Me.

I went, that day, long ago, from that inhsightful Man's office alive, aglow, and being a functioning Me ... from the inside, out. He said that the energies, power, and force that She and I shared, reminded him of a “runaway train.” (And he mailed me a tape of a song so-entitled [which I still have and smile every time that I see it.]) That runaway train did as all runaway trains must do … it eventually surrendered to natural forces, circumstances, and elements … slowed … stopped … discharged its passengers, one at a time, at different stations, for them to pursue their own individual purposes. But I now write, and live, in the residual power of what I retain from that illumination, that life energy, and that sense of being that she and I discovered on our beautifully wild and wonderful train ride. And I will forever love and respect her, and all of my memories of that gift of our moments together.

Even better ... I can encourage You, Darling One, to whisper that question to yourself. "Am I being the person that is uniquely me? Or, am I doing all of the stuff ... fulfilling all of the expectations ... performing all of the roles ... that are imposed upon me by others?" It is my fondest hope that I can encourage you ... in this moment of quiet reflection ... to dare to see how truly wonderful you are. This is what I see when I read your comments ... visit your blog and read your revelations ... listen to various forms of expression of your hopes, dreams, and aspirations. I am aware (because I allow myself to be aware) of the "music" behind your words. And I want, ever so much, to give you a glimpse of the beauty that you can know ... if you will but permit yourself to dance a few graceful steps to that music ... the song of your Heart's yearnings.

To that end, I send this little note of personal reflection and experience to you. For, don't you know, I love You. Really! I do. [big ol' smile]


Calli said...

What can be said, John-Michael that would ever fully express just how wonderful you are? Presently there do not seem to be enough words to fully articulate this fact. I have not witnessed in others such giving. You truly give and selflessly. This is so rare and a gift, as always. There are people in this world who are loving, kind, even generous but not to the degree I see in you. You cherish people. And you have obviously learned how necessary it is to cherish one's SELF - smile!!! You've made me smile tonight!

The train, oh, I know that ride! *wink*

your words: "slowed … stopped … discharged its passengers, one at a time, at different stations, for them to pursue their own individual purposes."

Sometimes that's reality but oh so sad - and bittersweet!

lots of love,

Cori Lynn Berg said...

This I feel, though I know it's not true, was written JUST for me. :) Did you know that I have been doing, doing, doing, and then doing some more and that now I am forced to just BE? Now I'm forced to sit... alot. And today I was truly agitated, sad, and even angry. And now these words. Thank you, dear John-Michael.

John-Michael said...

How abundantly kind you are Calli, My Darling Treasure. Your "You've made me smile tonight!" pleases me beyond description. I can think of nothing more satisfying than to bring a smile to you.

I do cherish being able to speak of "the Train" with someone who knows. (So many [unfortunately] do not "know.")

And, you are ever-so right! Though there is reason, logic, and rationale under the understanding of the "slowing, stopping, and discharging" ... the sadness lingers ... and the anguish is forever blended with the savour. Alas!

Happily loving (and enjoying) You ...

John-Michael said...

Oh Corie-Lynn! I am certain that, as I respond to my Sweet Lady Muse's leading and influence, your need for whatever I might offer is known. This is the underlying Awareness that I give myself to. That Life knows of those who have an appetite for, or a yearning for a particular word or thought. And it is my consummate Joy to be an Instrument to deliver whatever note or chord of solace or encouragement I can. I am so glad that You have so sweetly let me know. Thank You, Dear One!

(You brought to mind this Post )

Lovingly ...

lime said...

hhmmm, i am intrigued, reminded, exhorted. so much upon which to cogitate and ruminate. thank you.

Annette said...

The run a way train.....I think I'm on that train ALL the time, and at times I feel like I'm going no where, until one of riders decide to hop off and enjoy their destination, then they're right back on! but I love my riders and hold their safety in this life so close, that sometimes, well allot of times I forget to be a rider my self. Thank you Dear JM for reminding me to to live in just the moment and to enjoy that moment, no matter where the train might lead me....my destination....where love lives!

Classic Charm said...

I'm glad I read this post today. The runaway train analogy somewhat settles my heart today. Oh how I've needed your words these past few weeks. Ah, thanks again my friend...for you have heard my cry.

John-Michael said...

I feel quieted ... as One who is in the presence of Another who is consumed in meaningful thought and contemplation. I whisper, this note ... telling You, Precious Lime, that I truly hope that your cogitations and ruminations give birth to encouragements and a lifted Spirit.

('Cause I love You, Dontcha know?!)

John-Michael said...

I am so glad that your "train" led you into my little corner of the world, Dearest Annette. Your Presence makes living here so much more enjoyable and satisfying for me. [smile]

Lovingly ...

John-Michael said...

For whatever reason, Dear Rose, your Heart's expression has stirred the sound of an old favorite hymn in my Spirit. If it were possible, I would softly sing "Be Still My Soul" to you. I hope that You can sense my Heart's intent ... and love, for You.

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