She’s back! And just as has been true with each of her past appearances, she has occupied every part of my consciousness. For she is (always has been, and will always be) the one Presence that fills every recess and contour of the ever-present Absence in my personhood. She is the core that, when inserted into the “reactor” of my energy source, brings life, light, and vibrancy to my life. And here she is, once again, finding refuge, solace, and nurturing in the bosom of our eternal relationship… not knowing, herself, why she is here. But I know… I understand her need for renewal, healing, and strengthening that are the result of her most-recent forays into her world. And my love for her is ever-welcoming to her.It is with the certainty that to revitalize her is to make her ready to leave again, that I am beset with an incompatible blend of joy and agony in my heart. Joy in her presence… agony in the ever-present awareness that it is but for a while. Yet… the genuine character of my love for her is validated by my desire to see her fulfilled and happy in her own life designs… knowing (as always has been true) that those designs can never include me. So, I lead her gently, carefully, and patiently through the progression of steps necessary to come to an understanding of the dynamics that brought about the demise of her last relationship. I guide her understanding to an awareness of the involvement of her own innate qualities in that unfulfilling venture. I encourage her acknowledgement of her marvelous gifts of character while illuminating the shadows cast by the characteristics of other value systems and practices. And I watch and listen as her voice grows stronger in her reclaiming of her Self.
She will again, when she feels ready, launch forth into her fields of endeavor. And I will, yet again, ache and mourn in the daily
awareness that I must assume a place of unrecognized anonymity and invisibility… unless needed again. To love the creature is to derive ones joy from knowing that that creature is flying free in happy realization of life’s promise. So it will be, once again, with me.
IMAGE at Top: Craig Birkle, IMAGE at Bottom: Skip Ambrose
2 comments:
Very beautiful and incredibly sad.
Has taken many years to be able to write it... to do so is to acknowledge the reality (and hopefully encourage someone else with the awareness that they are not alone in difficulty.)
Post a Comment