Saturday, May 03, 2008

When the Time is Right ... Confirmation

How do you know that you are walking “Your Path”? What endorsement … what validation … what affirmation cements your confidence in the right-ness of your elections? Just like you, I had the desire for certainty. My confidence skated on the thin ice of a fragile Belief and wavering Conviction that I was being the person that I was created to BE. I, like you, was challenged by the voices of loving, caring, concerned, and trusted friends who offered their opinions and perspectives on my life choices. And none … absolutely none of them could see the rationale for my determinations. Yet … I persevered on the strength of an inner conviction that I was in harmony with the leading of the Source of all that is true.

Then Life reached out with a steadying Hand and a reassuring Voice in the person of the only individual who (as a consummate human being) could command my absolute confidence and respect. He was a respected and honored Scientist and Educator … and a deeply committed Spiritual Being. Inasmuch as he is no longer with me in physical presence (though certainly still-known in spirit) I can, and will, reveal his identity (want, as he was, to remain invisible, humble, and unobtrusive.) Swaminatha Sundaram, (Professor-Chairperson (Physics), University of South Florida, 1982 [B.Sc.; M.S.; Ph.D., D.Sc., Annamalai University, India, 1960]) became a dear Friend, Confidant, and Joy in my life from the moment of our initial meeting (as he placed his mail in the post-box at the curb, and I delivered the morning newspaper in the pre-dawn hours of the day.)

It was during one of our treasured luncheon visits together, that he (being a man of very few … yet each one valuable … words) said “You, My Friend, are a true Priest. You walk your daily path as lead by The Spirit … minister to each life encountered along that path … asking nothing and expecting nothing save the meeting of your physical and material needs. All at the direction and through the provision, of that controlling Spirit.”

Confirmation! I can tell you, My Dear Reader, that I have never, in all of my life, been more honored, humbled, and moved than at that moment. Life had warranted and authenticated my convictions in terms that I would never have known to ask for or expect. And I can now share this story with you, as my personal testimony to the certainty, that you will know, with sureness, the appropriateness of your life elections ... if you will but exercise that awesome power, of your own Free Will, to follow the Inspiration … the Inclination … the Leading of your own personal and individual “Still, Quiet, Inner-Voice.” Mindful that doing so will often be to the exclusion of all outside "influences."

I cannot promise you riches, fame, glory, or applause as an expectation resulting from such a disciplined and oft-courageous (and sometimes lonely) choice. What I can, and do, guarantee you is Joy, Confidence, Peace of Mind, and Spirit, that gives (in time … and with patience) rhyme, reason, and meaning to all of the conflicts, pains, disappointments, and sorrows of a life so lived. And ... at that time and in that place, when and where you need, and are ready for it ... you can expect, in some form, a confirmation and validation ... from the Creator of all that You are ... from "Life." A confirmation and validation of the reality of your BE-ing that unique and particularly special Individual, that You are equipped (by nature, inclination, and experience) to … BE.

This is, I promise you, My Dear Friend, the greatest reward that can possibly be imagined. To know that you are living in harmony with the intention of your Creator in the world that is your daily walk. That all is Right with You and your place in all of Time and Eternity. And it is to the encouragement, endorsement, and enabling of You, in your personal pilgrimage, that I am committed … as I remain;

Your constant Friend and unwavering Servant.

IMAGES through the gracious courtesy of Jon Sullivan,


lime said...

there was a time very long ago when i had the unwavering conviction and i walked and lived in it not caring a whit about more than having my genuine needs met and being able to aid in the meeting of the needs others had (even though it was a path few people close to me understood or could even begin to accept). but i flourished in that life. the unseen hand plucked me out of it forcibly and transplanted me elsewhere. i fought it but eventually gave in and decided to do my best to bloom where i was planted. but i feel like i am being asked to grow in a dessert or in between the cracks of a sidewalk where no one even wants a thing to grow at all. it's wearying and i don't understand.

John-Michael said...

When "Doctor Joe" (my Friend and the Psychologist who I had been working with for six years or so [at that point]) said "For all of these years, I have known you as a Human Person, doing all that is deemed "Right" and Necessary," in your life. Today, I know you as a Human Person, who is being all that is "Right" and Necessary," to your individual health and well-being, as well as to all of the rest of your life."

I replied "So what I hear you telling me, Joe, is that I have evolved from a 'Human DOing' ... into a 'Human BEing'." And Doctor Joe smiled as he nodded in the affirmative.

Since that day, My Darling Lime, I have consciously, openly, unabashedly, (some would [and do] say) obnoxiously, pursued my personal quest to awaken within my Self a constantly-growing and developing sense of my personal responsibility to (1) my Self, (2) my Creator (by whose Will I am ALL that I am uniquely created to BE,) and (3)my world ... constituted by every Person, allowed by Life, or caused by Life, to be touched by me. Whether in the very brief moment, or in the longest-term intimacies of on-going Friendship and loving Companionship. It has been in my own estimation (and that of the Significant Figure mentioned in the article) amazingly rewarding. And, conversely, my elections are (in the eyes of a good part of the world around me [including my own daughter who has discarded me completely from her life]) horribly costly and wasteful.

I cost me my miserable marriage to a very "good" person. She could not, and does not respect ... much less accept the Person that I am. One of the last statements from her to me (prior to the finalization of the divorce that she initiated), was "If you would only go back to being who you were when we were married ... I would dismiss the divorce proceedings. I have been divorced for twenty years now. It cost me a career that would be paying me well over ten times what I now earn. Working in an environment that is as suited to my temperament and personality as oil is to water. And it has cost me many who I had known as Friends ... but none intimately ... only on the "working/functioning" surface.

But I am alive! Alive physically ... and what makes that fact possible, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. And that would not be true had I stayed in the "desert" of my misery. I would not have been able to sustain adequate counseling and/or medications to compensate for the destructive erosion of my Self that was taking place in those circumstances of painfully lonely and emotionally starved deprivation. And the Friends that I now enjoy are Friends to all of who I am. For they all know, respet, accept, and celebrate my Self with me.

So, you see, Dearest Lime, I do hear you with ears of understanding and awareness.

So, I open my Self to you in the hope that you know that you are, indeed, not at all alone. Life has graciously and generously brought us to this place together. (This I am certain of.) And I now offer to you someone to walk with you in your walk. I have no "answers." For there is no pat formula for living our lives. I have only my Self to offer. And all that is Me ... is yours.

I will let you know that my personal price for staying "in the cracks of my life's sidewalk", (where responsibilities and commitments to my children kept me for many years) is my ongoing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Others who subject themselves to the pains of ongoing stresses and hopeless entrapments are not as fortunate as me. Multiple sclerosis and other expressions of immune system disorders are common results of such abuses of one's self. Repeatedly hammering the "square peg" of One's Self, into the "Round Hole" of unfitting circumstances, does damage to the Self. Fact! So, I offer that truth to your "plate of contemplation." Nothing that you choose to do, from this moment on, will be without cost, and in all likelihood some degree of pain. That stinks. But is a fact of living out the consequences of past decisions (for everyone.) I do applaud your courage and honesty in confronting your own Present. This is, in and of itself, quite remarkable. And demonstrates a depth of character that is no surprise to any who know you in even the least of depth. You are quite a remarkable Lady!

I think that I have written another post here. And am in danger of offending the "Comment Police." But Love compels me to do no less for You, Dear One. And I do love all of who You are!

Classic Charm said...

You my friend are a truly remarkable human being, and I'm lucky to have found you. You are a constant source of inspiration, and I can't tell you how you seem to put me back on track with your words. I read your comment respose to Lime and wow, I envy you and only hope I can learn to follow your path. You are a sea of strengh and conviction, and I truly respect every part of who you are.

John-Michael said...

Thank you Rose, my Precious and oh-so-tolerant Friend. Your powers of endurance in reading my outrageously wordy goings-on is laudable if not courageous. This Love thing seems to know bounds of brevity. And I confess to a powerful sense of urgency, when I care for someon, that demands that I give all that I can within the confines of circumstance. I do hope that I do not overwhelm to the point of confusing any issue. (This is what you get with an "emotion-driven" personality.)

I love you for your generous and all-to-kind encouragements. You are a Friend indeed! ((HUGS))

aims said...

Why is it that being who you are is too much for most people? Why does it make you a person - alone - who strives to encompass all those around that they truly care for?

Why can't the whole world be like this. Secure in the knowledge of themselves - and with that security able to go out into the world and share it.

You are a treasure and I'm not the only one saying this JM.

John-Michael said...

Why is it that someone so secure is reduced to sitting here ... staring at this "window" into a world that is loving, accepting, and caring ... with tears of grateful admiration inching down his face. I think that is because this is how those of us who have the still evident bruises and long-ago faded scars of past trials and discouragements know that Life could be ... if only ...

Love! That is why I serve it up ... so many of us have been so hungry for just a taste ... for so long. And it is there. Just waiting for us to choose it. Not difficult. Easiest thing ever to do ... to Be ... loving. I simply must let everyone know that it is so available to us all! I love You, Darling Aimee I do!

Corey~living and loving said...

Amen to all that. So many people feel uncomfortable in their own skin...and mostly because they are trying to be someone they are not....someone they think other people need them to be.

John-Michael said...

It was in that time frame ... when I was embracing Doctor Joe's "You are a Human Being ...", that I came to the realization that the one thing, of all possible things, that I, and I alone, had the eternal as well as moment by moment responsibility for (to my Self and to the Almighty) was Being all that I was individually, particularly, individually, and uniquely created to be. Ethel Waters' "God don't make no Junk." struck home with me. And a lifetime of self deprecation and loathing came to an abrupt end.

As is the usual for me, I went "overboard." If you 'dial' my phone, the last four digits will be "BNME" (yes!, I did demand that configuration ... forcing everyone who calls me to acknowledge the presence of this consideration. My license number on my vehicle is "JUSBNME", Email, and you know the heading of this blog. I am, obviously committed (some say should be "committed [grin]) to awakening my world to the beauty ... the wonder ... and the responsibility of our individual selves in Time and Eternity.

I thank You, Dear Corey for your succinctly saying what I have managed to go endlessly on in responding to. You, My Darling, are One uniquely gifted and endowed Gift from Heaven that I am delighted to enjoy in my Life. In fact ... I Love You!

Donnetta Lee said...

Good morning, JM: Quite moving post with much good advice. I am still moving towards the path that I long for. Hopefully, it is just within my reach now. Today's path is adequate, perhaps more than I understand. I found a little plaque the other day with the old saying, "Bloom where you are planted." That's my goal for now as my roots go deeper down and my blossoms grow up to meet the sun.

John-Michael said...

I bid You a "Good Morning" as well, My Dear Donnetta Lee. And I thank you for this shared moment. Your "Bloom where you are planted." reminded me of Herman, and the Gift of his lesson for me.

In the hope that your "roots" are developing and gaining strength "where you are now planted" for fruitful and satisfying "branching out" in your tomorrow, I wish you Love ... and my warmest regards.

CrazyCath said...

Sometimes we stumble on that confirmation and sometimes we search for it before it is apparent. Alas some people never find it.

I am glad that you found your confirmation John-Michael, and that you are loved for BEing who you ARE.

Unfortunately, responsibility forces some to remain in the cracks of the sidewalk for a while. It teaches patience I guess!

Thanks for your comments over at mine - and for introducing Annie. A lovely blogger.

John-Michael said...

Annie is, indeed, a Sweetheart, isn't she Cath. I am glad that You enjoyed her as well!

Lovingly ...

Jen Ballantyne said...

Dear John-Michael, I wanted to pop by and take a look at which photos of me you had put on your blog here. I must admit to feeling a slight squirm when I look at them, there for everybody to see, however (sigh) I will get past that and I am touched and honored that you felt you would like to do this. Your support of me has been so very passionate and your determination in letting me know how you feel has me somewhat bewildered at times and also deeply touched. I say bewildered as I am amazed at your openness and depth of feeling for others. You are indeed such a deeply caring human being with only other peoples best interests at heart. I thank you for supporting me so very well John-Michael. Take care with love from Jen B xxx

John-Michael said...

There are times, My Marvelous, Precious, and Priceless, Jen B, when my Heart is simply too very full to allow words to function ... now is one of those times. I Love You ... every aspect and element of You ... and am too overflowing with admiration, respect, awe, wonder, and adoration of You, to have the ability to adequately express how much You honor and humble me with your caring and loving message.

I am blessed and honored to know ... and to celebrate Love for ... YOU ... Jen Ballantyne.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

There have been many times in my own life when I have needed confirmation of who I am. Now I have that and I can live peacefully.

Crystal Jigsaw xx

Suldog said...

Nothing to do with this post, my friend, but the answer to your trivia question on mine: Eddie Cantor?

John-Michael said...

DAMN!! (i really thought i had the guy on that one ... but i'll be gracious ... watch)


(how was that? do you think he bought it?)

Crystal said...

Good post John-Michael;o) It's so amazing how I sit back and take in the world around me and the people in it.

So many don't even realise the control or power they have over EVERYTHING in their lives. Most people always look "outwards" for the reasons things happen to them or the situations they find themselves facing, when all along, if they just look "inwards" all the answers are there.

Does it take one to be be 90 years old and discover the hidden wisdom that was lost to us in youth? I don't think so. I look over my shoulder, to the person I was and I smile because of the person I am. I turn and look in front of me, to the person I will become and my heart sores. Why? Because for the first time in my life, I look FORWARD to the person I will become;o)

One big, exciting adventure, eh John-Michael?! Love you;o)

John-Michael said...

Though I have said it before, it bears repeating here ... I am so happy for and proud of YOU, sweet, sweet Crystal, for the healthy development and exponential growth, in confidence, and enthusiasm, that I have enjoyed observing in your Heart, Mind, and Spirit in this short while that we have shared our loving Friendship. You are doing the "balance" thing quite well, as well. You amaze! (And You are FUN!!)

Lovingly ...

Crystal said...

LOL!! You just too sweet;o) It's people like you that help me with my direction on my own path. Believe me, I veer off it CONSTANTLY!!!lol! (whispers so only you will hear) I think THOSE are the adventures that when I get back on the right path are most fun to look back on and laugh about. (Giggles while shaking head) It's one thing to look at our screw ups and remember the negative things that went with them, it's another to look at them all and proudly say that I learned from them and BUST out laughing wondering, "what the hell was I thinking??!!" LOL! Have a wonderful day;o)

John-Michael said...

And THAT my Darlin' is exactly the "Balance" thing that I referred to ... in action! Well Done!

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