Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Taking Stock

Taking Stock

All purity of purpose … nobility in deed …
Every kindness and generous word …
Engender in hearts a grateful response,
And streams of loving regard in return.

Yet I find I’ve returned to this place so well known;
This place that I dread for its pain.
Where torment dwells, and discomfort abounds,
In aloneness, I take stock, yet again .

I try to resolve imbalanced accounts,
This disparity that demands reconcile.
I seek to make sense of the chasm between
Joy, in Loves known ... and grief, in unfound.

The love and regard from friend and comrade
Seems to heighten my sense of Aware,
‘Tween satisfaction of Spirit, and hunger of Soul.
Spirit’s kinships … Soul’s yearning for Mate.

While in solitude here, distress I abide,
Neither solace nor comfort is sought.
This course I’ve charted, lacks allure, I well know.
I’m alone through my choice … by design ... thorough-thought.

01 April 2008


Suldog said...

I love coming here. There is always something that gets me thinking, that expands my horizons. As always, thanks!

Vi said...

'Taking stock' seems to be a theme in blogland at the moment. It must be the spring in the air. Loneliness is not a great feeling in the world, but at least we have each other to dwell with. xxx

John-Michael said...

Sailing 'neath the SulDog colours, Jim charts a course directly to a peaceful anchorage for my soul's rest. This is precisely how your gentle and oh, so human comments always touch a chord of comfort in me, My Friend.

I am grateful for you.

John-Michael said...

Vi, my Precious One, how you do engender a sense of the beauty, that would be, with your hand resting on my arm ... if I were so honored as to escort you along a path in the fresh and invigorating air of Springtime. How proud and happy your enchanting company would make me!

I love you, My Dear.

CrazyCath said...

A deep reflection.
I disagree slightly with Vi's perception that this is loneliness. I don't think you are lonely. (I may be wrong!) I think you are alone but any loneliness that may come from being alone is filled with your meditation, your thoughts, your artistry, your son, your Muse and of course, your blog.

Loneliness is a different pain and yours seems to be more about not wanting to be physically or emotionally alone.

I do hope you are not lonely, as that is a scary, sparse place to be. As you state at the end, you choose to be alone (even if that were a painful decision at the time or now). That is a choice we can make.

Being lonely by comparison, (to me) is not a choice, but a state that is thrust upon us. I do hope it is not this.

I agree with Vi though that "Taking Stock" seems to be a theme in blogland right now. Perhaps we are all helping each other to 'take stock'.

Enough rambling here! Great post my dear John-Dad-Michael, once again.

John-Michael said...

My Very Dear, perceptive, and attentive Cath-Daughter, you are, yet again, 'spot-on!' You have beautifully laid bare the complete gist of all that I am trying to communicate as I fumble about in my emotion-laden attempt. I, now, feel so much better about my having made the effort!

You are one amazing young woman, My Precious. And I do love loving You.

Anonymous said...

I don't know why you should be alone - except that possibly "she" has become so real to you, no one else can measure up. :) It took me a long time to admit that the reason I'm alone is by choice. It was only then that I came to accept the love I'm given by dear friends as a great gift and that it is truly enough, for to trust another with my heart and my life to the extent that would dispel the aloneness and the loneliness is probably not a place I would go again. My mother asks me if I ever "get lonely." I respond, "Sure, but loneliness passes where a miserable marriage doesn't."

I think we all love coming here, for the comradeship of those having loved and lost gives comfort to each other.


John-Michael said...

Ahhhh, Marcy, My Dear Friend, you have come to 'see' me so clearly! 'She' has, indeed, taken form and identity in all of my senses. And I do, in fact, look at each person I meet with the ever-present "are You her?"

Your summary to your mother is precisely where I am. (Though I am, simultaneously, open to 'Her' appearance ... at any moment.) I am presently recouping from what now appears to have been a case of "mistaken identity" a few weeks ago. And, as you can well tell, the disappointment has left a bit of a slump in enthusiasm and energies (but just for the present.)

How I do love you Marcy, and am grateful for Life's gift of our friendship.

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