Saturday, March 22, 2008

The Absence

Here I am, several hours past the time when I should be asleep. But, No! She will not let me sleep. She stirs, prods, and insists that I recall, refresh and make anew my first introduction to her. My lovely, ‘mistress of my mind’ … Lady Muse. It is with an inexplicable sense, of undefined urgency, that she demands that I set before you, Dear Reader, something of long ago. Something that proved to be the emergence of, what I now comfortably know as, my passion to write.

I had dealt with this whispering and hinting ‘inner voice’ all of my life. She patiently endured all manner of labels and titles for many years. Some philosophical, others religious, and yet others social in basis. And she, undeterred, kept faithfully opening windows of revelation and insight; throwing illumination on dark and obscure ideas. Until that day of her “coming out.”

For many years I struggled with trying to form a coherent image ... an understanding ... something that I could relate to in expressing the particular need, that I was aware of, for a specific, and uniquely suited, woman to complete me as the man that I yearned to be. Then, on 06 September of 1989, at lunch in a fast-food restaurant, it came to me. (And I became aware of my Lady Muse then.) I turned my paper place-mat over and on it penned this expression. I truly hope that it gives language to your spirit as I share with you ...


He walks proudly, as the sovereign of beings,
Parading confidence in his very presence.
Seemingly he needs none other than himself…
The power exuded in his solitude and might,
Bespeaks no requirement beyond his own strengths.

Yet, with him, each step of the way, is a powerful Absence;
Just as real and tangible as any presence, this Absence has form,
Size, Dimension, Breath, Warmth, Character, and Being.
And… in its existence, the Absence holds power and authority
Equal to all held by its host.

Indeed, he is but a fraction of what he is capable of being…
With this Absence keeping pace with him… stride for stride.
While he seems fully equipped to dominate, control, and enjoy his term as master…
His ability to measure up to the illusion, the expectations, is diluted…
By the Absence that denies him the power that would be his, in Her Presence.

Her Presence, in displacing the Absence, fills his every void …
Those of need, desire, inspiration, motivation, fulfillment and joy.
And serves to energize him toward all that is expected of so grand a Creature as he.
Her Presence, in displacing the Absence, makes of him all
That the image of him proclaims … providing the substance to support the vision.

Her Presence … but, oh, such a void when it remains the Absence …
Waiting, hungering, echoing for the filling… when…


Revised: 25Apr2001
Revised: 10Aug2004
Revised: 21 Mar 2008

Now that I have concluded my preparations of this bit of Me, for posting, I am aware of a sleepiness that had been kept from me ‘til now. So, Dear Reader and Friend, I bid you the sweetest of dreams; and solutions to whatever vexation that had you seeking when you retired for the night. So, for whomever Lady Muse instructed me to prepare and post this perspective, I do hope that, in this work you will find your own peace (feel free to as your own Muse for help in this undertaking ... that's why she was created ... to speak these truths to you, and give you a confidence in all of your tomorrows.)


Just Joni said...

Sweet dreams John-Michael ~

skinnylittleblonde said...

Balance. ;)

John-Michael said...

Your wish is embraced, my Dear Joni. And made fuller in its provision of an even sweeter awakening.

My love to You.

John-Michael said...

Can save us from "tipping over" in life, Darling, and insightful, skinnylittleblonde.

I delight in the balance that You provide in my own walk. I like you!

CrazyCath said...

Like Yin and Yang; male and female; night and day.

Each needing the other. Each lost alone; not fulfilling their true purpose UNTIL the two are one.

Great post. Needs reading a few times and savouring. Thanks again JDM!

John-Michael said...

I have sometimes considered those imposing structures ... the immensity and intricacy of an atomic-powered electricity generating station. How massive in equipment, technology, and capabilities. But until those atomic rods are lowered into the reactor ... it is useless.

You, of course, see the parallel, My Precious Cath-Daughter. It is the same "loss of power" known to me upon loss of a Love. I am all there. But no lights to be seen.

empath said...

I reached you through a comment on another site: "metaplane". I'm glad your muse was insistent - your thoughts make me smile like an artist seeing something in the negative spaces and knowing it's just as important as the subject. A satisfaction of balance, feeling the positive of this world full of negatives. thanks so much.

Merelyme said...

absence makes the heart grow fonder...sorry...couldn't resist. this really is quite profound...sometimes the empty spaces make us able to create from the void... what we do want.

John-Michael said...

Thank you, Friend empath. I like that! "Seeing something in the negative spaces and knowing it's just as important as the subject." Well said, indeed!

And you consumed far less space than I, delivering the message with more conservation of the reader's time. Wow!

But, I'm learning. Please be patient with a man who is still inclined to produce a new clock when asked the time.[smile]

I enjoyed your visit. And will be looking for you, yet again, with hope.

John-Michael said...

While absence makes the heart grow fonder,
There is a point yet to ponder.

If looking for answers in the yonder,
Much time and effort you will squander.

There ... take that Merelyme! [HUGE grin]. That was fun!

(And your summation is "spot on!")

Lovin' Ya!

CrazyCath said...

I disagree. You are there and the lights are VERY MUCH on. It depends what you see.

You see the absence in response to a loss, a void. And in some ways it is. Yet this void allowed you to come into contact with your Lady Muse. This would not have happened without that "loss" and she is very much filling that void. There is no void.

Your search for a type of love in this physical or "fleshly" or earthly plain would perhaps deny you the spiritual love you so clearly offer and receive. Perhaps one cannot be complete when the other is present as many of us search for that spirituality a lifetime... in vain.

The love you seek or feel you lost is perhaps fulfilled instead through your (brotherly / agape)love for your children, your friends, your fellow human being. But most of all, it needs to be fulfilled through love (and forgiveness) for yourself. Which I think most of the time you manage. Because no man can love another until first he loves himself.

So please do not say the lights are off. They are brighter than you know dear John-Dad-Michael.

[If you wish this comment to remain private that is for you to decide. I am happy for it to be posted.]

You are loved by many - - especially me!

John-Michael said...

I am glad that I have learned the truth of what you spoke so eloquently and rightly. At the time when I wrote that very 1st piece of exposure to my inner feelings, the core/light illustration was what I was trying to express. It was what I was feeling very strongly. For I was, in fact, without all of the energy and enthusiasm that had accompanied the power of that love.

And I present it now ... not as what is ... but as what was. For that pesky Muse bugged me to do it. (and though I understand and accept that it is none of my business ... I do wonder just who it is offered for. I am still that human!)

But I have come "a long way baby" since then (1989.) And just look at you, my Cath-Daughter so young, and already aware of what took me so long to discover.

I do love it when my Muse speaks through the loving voice of another. Isn't it beautiful!?

You are spectacular!

CrazyCath said...

I think "spectacular" is over doing it but I try! [blushing winking grin]

I just had a very spiritual memorial tonight with spiritual friends and so I am very "in touch" tonight. That's all.

Your comment just cried out to me a bit. You spoke in the present tense - had to respond. Know the feeling? Yeah..... course you do!

I am so glad you have come that way, and naturally I should have realised. How else could you offer the words you do?

You are the spectacular one - shining brightly! Keep on shining!

(And keep on referring to me as "so young" - I like that! [grin from ear to ear!])

John-Michael said...

Try this one on for size. I have never articulated it prior to now, but what has evolved as I sought an answer to my "am I a generator with no core fuel if I have no Lover?" question is simply this:

"There is a array of 'fuels' that have the necessary components to fire up your generating capabilities in life, John-Michael. The love of one 'Significant Other' being just one of them." So spoke Life through Lady Muse.

Having said that ... methinks that the answer to "who was this piece written for?" Just may be... Me! I feel a complete rewrite of it, in that light, coming on. (1989 to 2008 ... I am slow, but steady [grin])

Thank you, Cath for your inspired intervention.

(I still say "spectacular!")

CrazyCath said...

You got it JDM!

It's for you. I know it here [touching heart].

Go on. Rewrite history. It's yours to rewrite! Lady Muse is a very Significant Other.
Glass half full remember...


Love you.

Classic Charm said...

Just wanted to stop in and wish you a very Happy Easter tomorrow, or today actually. I'm getting ready to shut down the computer as we head out tomorrow morning for vacation. Have a wonderful week.

John-Michael said...

Basking ... that is what I have been doing Sweet Rose. I have been sitting here ... having completed my deliveries, and having my breakfast ... and I am "basking."

Allowing the spirit of your thoughtfulness sweep over and comfort my soul ... in my basking in the knowledge that you care, and took the time ... made the effort ... to send a generous greeting to me. All, while you are caught up in the excitement and anticipations of a holiday adventure.

I love you!

Misty Dawn said...

Have I mentioned that I love you AND the Muse?

It's true!

John-Michael said...

Precious, Sweet Misty ... I have paused ... lingered over your words ... allowing the center of my Self to envelop Me in your voice. You begin my day draping me in a cloak of Careing that denies Discouragement access to my Spirit.

Love for You is my Soul's song.

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