Friday, March 07, 2008

Conflicted


In response to questions from some who are curious about or interested in, what they have termed, my “writing process” … I am sharing with you all, my morning (today, 07 March 2008.)

Rising (as always) at 2AM, I went to the computer, responded to a few 'comments’ on the blog, then decided that what was on my soul to say today, I have already said in a previous posting. So, I went back; copied it; and posted the thought with the addition of “Another” at the beginning of its title. Done! No creativity required today. Coast. Slide. Chill for a day. OK. Well … not so OK, after all. For ‘Friend Muse’ had other ideas. Consequently, the delivery of newspapers in one particular neighborhood in Tampa went like this.

Using right hand … assemble two sections of paper on surface between myself and passenger door ; roll sections together; slide rolled paper into plastic bag draped over right thigh; hand now-bagged paper over to left hand; throw paper from window of van (with accuracy that would intimidate a major league baseball pitcher [grin]) … pick up pen; write one-half of poetry verse on pad …

Assemble; roll; Slide in bag; Throw; write; … (repeat cycle whilst driving around neighborhood. Watching out for joggers, walkers, going-to-school bus students, dog walkers, other vehicles, trees, and so forth, and so on.) So, Dear Friend, Yes! The morning paper was a bit tardy in its delivery to a few customers this morning.

Then to the market for a few groceries, and home. Put Norah Jones on Pandora.com, and type the result. And here ’tis … (I hope that you enjoy it!)


Conflicted

This is where it started
Where it all began.
You a lonely woman,
I, a yearning man.

I responded to your passion …
Invitation to “Secret Love.”
Knowing in my Spirit,
What this was made of.

As You are reaching for me,
Your mind says “Go away!”
When all within would send Me,
I hear you beg me “Stay!”

I hear you say “I loathe you!”
And then “I love You Dear.”
Your anguish in “Go from me!”
Then, “Keep me ever near !”

The love you see me sharing,
The intimacies I’ve shown,
You long to have in your life.
You want them for your own.

I understand your struggle,
I see and hear your pain.
Subjected to your turmoil,
Again, and yet again.

Our natures are too dif’rent,
Conflicts crystal clear.
Longings when apart …
Clashing when too near.

So now you must go your way.
And Me, I must go mine.
Perhaps we’ll each know Love’s song,
Some other place and time.



John-Michael
07 March 2008


Now, Dear Friend, you have a peek into, not only what is stirring within my heart, but how Life’s sweet voice, my Muse, clarifies it all to me. And, so that you will have a more accurate picture of this John-Michael character, I will share what I know that I should not. An “alternate” verse four:

I heard your “Stay away!”
Then “Keep me ever near!”
I’ve told you that you give me,
This pain that’s in my Rear.

Go ahead! Have your chuckle! It’s called “coping!” [silly chuckling myself]

I thank you for your indulgences as I open myself even further to you this morning. I love you (Yes! You!) and I like what Life has given us in each other.

26 comments:

Amy Y said...

Great! I have never had a talent for poetry but always admire those who do!

John-Michael said...

Thank you Amy Y!

I hope that ALL is well with ALL of you this day! I will check on your blog after I finish preparing breakfast.

I love you.

CrazyCath said...

That's great! Now I know why you're up at the crack of dawn, or before! It's great to learn a little about others. Thanks for sharing that. It's good to smile whilst understanding pain. It can't rain all the time can it? Learning comes this way and we are all blessed with it. Thanks for sharing.

John-Michael said...

And, Sweet Cath, I thank you for your desire to join me. I like "us!"

Cicero Sings said...

Like Norah Jones, like Pandora ... but we can't get Pandora here in Canada! Rats.

I like Crazycath's comment! Ditto

John-Michael said...

But you CAN enjoy Norah Jones as a soundtrack behind those magical scenes that are your vibrant world. And THAT Dear One, is a beautiful thing.

Melissa said...

Your poem is beautiful and I love the alternate verse, sometimes we all feel like that!

John-Michael said...

Well, Melissa, I might as well let you see the tattered laundry (alternate verse) hanging in the back yard. It's a legitimate part of me. [smile]

Your liking the poem is NICE! Thank you.

Just Joni said...

your alternate verse four made me giggle and give a nod of acknowledgment at the reality of those lines.

:)thanks for the smile,
Joni

Lizzy in the Burbs said...

John-Michael, I think you and your muse should try your hand at limerick writing (in the spirit of St. Paddy's Day coming up!) After reading that alternative verse I have a feeling you'd be very good at it and terribly funny! :o)

Lizzy

nitebyrd said...

The sadness in the poem was brightened by the alternate verse. :)

John-Michael said...

[he dances around the cottage chanting]"I made Joni gi'-ggle, I made Joni gi'-ggle" [clapping hands and laughing] (I guess that clears up those 'certifiable' questions, Eh?)

Yep, Joni. Prudence lost out to reality in that debate. "tell it like it is!" my spirit ordered.

John-Michael said...

I'm afraid, Lizzy, that once I get started in the limerick mode ... I simply can't turn it off. I drive MYSELF crazy with 'em.

John-Michael said...

YOU GOT THE IDEA my dear nitebyrd!! That's why I identified it as "coping." For it did serve to help me cope with the sorrowful truth being played out in life and reflected on page. I am delighted that you labeled it so!

CrazyCath said...

John Michael -
In my confusion, I recall writing something to seek clarification. Now I am afraid I offended you in my confusion. This is anaemia related not you.

But I can't find my comment. Did I post it? I feel a little perplexed at the minute as I am not the sort of person to not worry about the impact of some words sometimes knee-jerkingly written and I want to know if I actually posted it or not!

Sorry to bother you with this one. Just can't remember and frustrated.

CrazyCath said...

I AM the sort of person that worries about the impact of some words....

Bah! Overdone it again today!

John-Michael said...

Hey Cath .. sweet darlin' ... whatever it was, or you think that it may have been ... I know your heart. And, when a heart is right, those little devices known as "words" (that are easily misunderstood) are overshadowed by the power if the heart from whence they come. I have absolutely no clue what you are referencing, but please be at rest about it, whatever it is.

I love you, and am comfortable with your spirit. Knowing that you would forgive any stumbling of mine, I hope that you are aware of that confidence and trust from me.

(you sure do have me curious now though [grin])

Jules~ said...

Thank you for the chair next to yours this morning as you went about your early mornng day. Goodness it is a good thing there is not much more traffic out when you are doing your morning deliveries. (wink wink)

Conflicted is the perfect title for this poetry. So much of the time our emotions rollercoaster and cannot be trusted to their very own.

I love your alternate verse 4....rich, poignant, and factual.
And it rhymes!

CrazyCath said...

Well all it was, dear surrogate and virtual father, was the comment you made that you thanked me for my desire to join you and that you liked "us".

I suddenly got this mad notion, being nervous of virtual friendships and hearing all the horror stories etc, that I may have misled you. So I wrote along those lines that I think very highly of your insights, your writing, your gift; that you gave me such strength in your encouragement and support, but that the "us" (to me)is our brotherhood of man, our being related as a species and touching the soul to help and reach out. Nothing more. Nothing less.

I am new to this "world wide" stuff and sometimes it frightens me as I am aware that I take it completely on trust who I open my heart to. You are the same but clearly have more courage than I. This is why I publicly post and not email - it makes me feel safer, although it tells the world my thoughts.

Anyway, I wrote something on those lines then got an error in posting. I reposted and left it and when I came back, couldn't find it.
I guess God stopped me making a complete tit of myself. Rather less confused at this moment,I am able to articulate what I wanted to ask for clarification without (I sincerely hope) offending.

Hope that satisfies the curiosity and now you know just how daft I can be too! Ta for listening.

John-Michael said...

Before I say a word about anything else, please know, Dearest Cath, that you have granted to me the highest honor and compliment that is possible to bestow. You placed me in a position in your esteem that you titled "(dear surrogate and virtual father)". I am awestruck! How can I ever hope to live up to so precious an identity. Cath, I offer you my gratitude and pledge to give all that is mine to give toward justifying this hallowed place in your life.

(do you think that I will EVER be able to speak in less than volumes? Thank you for your forbearance with my verbosity.)

And, Cath, you dare suggest that I can see "(how daft I can be)." Daft, indeed! I think not!You addressed (in superbly articulate and prudent terms) a concern that is rational and reasonable. How, I ask you, can that be "daft?"

And, Cath, My dear, I wouldn't say "(God stopped me making a complete tit of myself)." But see that moments "interventions" more as Life giving you a "breather." Allowing you to sort and gather your thoughts and feelings to better present them (which you have so nicely done.)

As to my perspective on "us" ... "us" is all of us ... all of those who choose to see the better in each other. All who prefer to lift up and seek to protect and defend those who others would beat down. The "us" who elect to give without thought of recompense. "Us" as a group who reinforce each other in loving kindness, humor (OH, especially humor!), and even frequent silliness in the face of circumstances that would crush our joy.The eternal "us" as the souls and spirits that supersede the bonds of physical limitations. This is my "us" Cath.

But you and I have not known each other long enough for you to know this of me. Thus, your concerns were appropriate and well-placed. And I am so grateful that you cared enough to speak of your concerns that they might not create a hindrance to the growth of our Friendship.

I love the "Who-You-Are" Cath.

John-Michael said...

Jules, Dear Friend, I want, so much, to remove any potential barrier to our knowing and enjoying this lovely gift that is our Friendship ... that I felt it a good thing to present an accurate picture of my personal world.

And it tickles me to hear how folks have enjoyed the "peek in." You are, of course, quite right in your appreciation of the absence of traffic during the hours of my work. It is such a lovely time of the day. Awakening birds, the sun rising and surprising with displays that are frequently breathtaking.

A job, taken to allow me to be with my son during the daytime hours ... that I might be his physical trainer, reading and mental processes guide and teacher, companion, pal, Dad, and coordinator of all of the services , therapies, and resources required to permit his best chance to deal with his cerebral palsy ... has turned into a time for introspection, inspiration, and peaceful contemplation for me.

The poem describes my feelings regarding current considerations in my life. I only write about true event and experience born realities. Always in the hope that my reflections will benefit others and make their personal walk in life easier and more enjoyable. (and it sometimes rhymes! [smile])

CrazyCath said...

Thankyou JM,
You have yet again expressed so eloquently what I could not. I so hoped that would be your response.
I am greatly reassured and thank the One who guides us all that I had the courage to speak now and nip in the bud any mad paranoias (often unlike me - I tend to sleep on things and worry needlessly at times). I am grateful you understand caution in this world which I tell myself any genuine person would allow and understand. And you are genuine.

I am very comfortable with our 'virtual' father-daughter friendship. I thank you for your concern and love. Please know it is reciprocated.
I look forward to continuing to visit you and hope you will pop in on mine from time to time to see what daftness I am up to. Most of all, I am grateful to David (can't remember what led me to his blog!)for guiding me to your site at a time I needed it. Now I need it every day! Your words give strength, not just in your posts bit in your comments and responses to me and others. You take such care to comment meaningfully as you post.

God bless you and keep you and yours safe.

Classic Charm said...

John,
I must have missed this entry, and just read your poem, and I enjoyed the alternate verse, a silly side of you I hadn't seen, but I like it! :)
Rose

John-Michael said...

Hi there Rose ... Oh yes! The silly side of me is a very much alive and well side of me! (picture Robin Williams and you have a fairly accurate image of me. I am similarly animated, intense in passionate expression, appreciation of 'silly', and urgency of delivery)

I'm glad that you liked it!

Misty Dawn said...

I love the way you write... not too complex or using over-my-head words (that really turns me off) - but yet some of the most powerful and knowledgeable words I can relate to and be grateful for.

John-Michael said...

No one has ever said anything that pleases me more than your "(words I can relate to and be grateful for)."

For, My Precious Misty Dawn Friend, it seems to me that that must be the very definition of communication. And to communicate what my heart and mind are yearning to make known is all that I can ever hope to accomplish in writing.

Your generous kindness touches my spirit. Thank you.

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