Did I Do Something?

When Garrison asked Concert Pianist, Andre Watts, if he would be unnerved by the presence of any significant individual at one of his performances, the gentleman said that the presence of his last teacher, a Mr. Fleischer, would give him some apprehension. “I would imagine that he would be saying ‘I told you not to do that’.” Mr. Watts said.

What concerns me here is the revelation that Mr. Watts' thought was centered on the possibility of condemnation… a recognition of “what I did wrong.” Why, I wonder, do we instinctively anticipate a negative critique? All too seldom, to my thinking, do we think that the appraisal of another will be in the theme of “Oh… how pleased I am that you did those good things so well!” Is not a positive endorsement of more worth and value than a “constructive” criticism (or, at least, of value equal)? Why, oh why do we feel that a correction is of more merit than the recognition of the things done well? No!… and again I say “No!” to this habit that we have adopted to feel compelled to offer only a “helpful” suggestion as our first and primary comment when presenting our impression of the performance of another.

Consider with me, if you will, yourself in the tender embrace of your Partner after a particularly intimate interlude. You respond to the “How was it for you?” question with “It could have been worse.” “Unthinkable!!” you say, and of course I agree. It is “unthinkable” that you would be so insensitive, and so just-plain-stupid. Unthinkable because you would never be so uncaring for the feelings of another. And unthinkable for the simple, self-serving reason that you would not want to jeopardize your hopes for a welcoming reception to that ’venue’ for some future ‘performance.’ So, I ask, why would we apply a different criteria to the world around us in our everyday experiencing of life’s ‘concert?’

How could we be so insensitive to the feelings of those who are performing their daily tasks, or accompanying us as fellow members of our life’s ‘audience’, that we respond to some negative imperative and point out the “It could have been worse"s that are an always-present part of living. The news media has a compulsion to point out what could have been the extreme loss of life in a situation that, in fact, was blessed with no loss of life. The weather reporter is driven, by some dramatic urge, to declare whatever could be, or has at some time in distant past been, the absolute worst scenario remotely relatable to a present set of benign indicators. We are inundated with a deluge of “glass half empty-isms” when all we really want, or need, is a sip of encouragement to relieve our thirst for some joy in life. Who even asked for a full glass in the first place?

Isn’t it possible that we could, instead find that act of kindness, in the sea of meanness, to point out with “Look … what a lovely thing!” Is it so difficult to focus on the small wild-flower in the field of brambles, and as the butterfly does, fly over the painful, clutching thorns of “realities” that would demoralize and discourage … and savor the sweet nectar of something just as “real” (though more rare), that sustains and nurtures our souls. Does that mean that we are somehow unmindful of life’s ‘brambles?’ Certainly not! It simply means that we have the option, moment by moment, to see what Life has provided for our happiness and fulfillment … and are willing to pull free of the defeating and spirit-crushing brambles, to fly to it, tell of it, and celebrate the joys of it … whatever it is and for however long it can be enjoyed.

I ask that you consider the response of this famous and well respected concert master of world renown… our aforementioned Andre’ Watts… who has all of the talent, training, and experience that could, reasonably, establish him to be above vulnerability to any anticipation of the criticisms of others. The majority of us, at any age, are not nearly so well equipped. Thus, for him to reveal his susceptibility to an unpleasant critique, serves to accentuate how pervasive (and even, possibly, irrational) this common fear is.

Please, Dear Friend, listen to yourself when next you have occasion to comment on the behavior or performance of another. Let’s agree to lift one another up on the arms of kind consideration. Wouldn’t it be a marvelous thing to have others hoping that You will be the One in their “audience” in life … because they know that You will be supportive, appreciative, and respectful of them?

It is my intent that I will be such a person in your life.



IMAGE (Our "Inner Child"): Martina Brandstetter, BBC News